Holy mother.

I have shit to do!

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I just finished my third day of *drumroll* work.

Whoa.

That's right. Someone actually hired me. I'm a full blown employee. *Flashes badge (with cliched horrible picture)*

And the crazy thing? I am loving it.

Plus? Money.

I just don't know what I'll do with it. Oh, wait. Yes I do.

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So, Ryan woke me up this morning a bit before seven. My first thought - omg it's Christmas! Which made absolutely no sense once I was fully conscious. Ryan suggested perhaps that was the last time I woke up that early.

Which I believed for about fifteen minutes. Then I remembered BCB and her early morning workouts.

Maybe it was the combo of the morning and the heat being on.

Or maybe I'm loca.

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I always knew I was special.

Thoughtful and loving. Authority figures probably have been sheltering you all of your life. Thankfully you're a very tranquil person who is content with what life has given you, but secretly you want to know how the outside world works.

Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love.

I love that I tied on these two. Because if I had to describe me I'd be torn between someone who sleeps all day - oh, I'm sorry, "tranquil" - and a sarcastic girl employed by the devil.

Me in a nutshell, really.

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OMG. Not only did I step out of the way for David Spade, almost maim Danny DeVito, watch my boyfriend get checked out by Mia Maestra, touch two people who have touched Michael Vartan, breathe the same air as Joshua Radin, shop at the Gap with the girl from Signs, but now -- to top it off -- I have followed __________. That's right. You heard me.

On our way back from Portland at 11:30 on Friday night, Ryan and I hit a wall o' traffic just north of 205. It was stopped dead. We, of course, assumed it was an accident (Ryan had odds on "drunk and under 25"). I made him pull to the right of the lane so I could crane my neck to see what I could see -- which was a crapload of police lights. Then, (twenty minutes later and) all of a sudden all three lanes started moving. We drove forward expecting to see something - like debris or flares -- but there was nothing.

...Until we began noticing that there were cop cars turning off their lights at every single exit. And the flashing lights were always in the distance ahead of us. We worked our way up and, sure enough, it was __________'s motorcade. Likewhoa. All the exits were being blocked so that __________ could have the freeway free of gaping/gawking/armed spectators. (Selfish prick. I wanted to go home!)

We followed the lights until the parkway, where we took our leave. We figured __________ would be staying at the Phoenix Grand, because, well, wth else would __________ stay? (And, please, like there's anywhere to go in Oregon south of Salem.) I mean, seriously... where did people like __________ stay before we had that hotel? The HoJo? Commercial was clear when we drove by, but when we turned off later we saw that there were cops blocking Liberty.

So, to make a long story short...

Anyone want to touch me so that they can brag to their friends?

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So, um. They didn't kill Sly, they just messed with his head. Now, to turn him on I have to press the Windows key and the power at the same time. First of all - whuh? Second of all - how the hell does Ryan figure this shit out? (Although, I did always wonder wtf that key was for.)

Ps. Were I one of those super cool bloggers with throngs of adoring fans, I would use this as an opportunity to recommend that you all run - don't walk - to see Shoebox Shakespeare at Willamette University (this weekend only) because it is of teh awesome. But, since I'm well... not... I guess I'm just saying: Mom and Dad, go see it!

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