Declan: [silent tears streaking down his face] Mama?
Me: What's the matter, buddy?
Declan: Will I come back after I die?
Me: No, honey. Death is forever.
Declan: But who will take care of Baby D when I'm dead?
Me: The people that love you will take care of him for you.
Declan: But they won't love him because he's fake! They'll put him in the garbage!
Me: The people who love you will love Baby D because they know how much he means to you. They will take care of him.
Declan: Promise he won't go in the garbage.
Me: I promise he won't go in the garbage.

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Finn:  But Mom!  I wanted to see a real tow truck!

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Tonight we started the much-awaited sequel to the chapter book we'd been reading for a few weeks.

Book 2 begins with a prologue - a flashback to when the protagonists (four young sisters) were four years younger.  In it, the then-eight-year-old girl describes when the three oldest girls go to the gift shop of the hospital that their mother is in, having delivered their baby sister a week earlier.  The mother is still in the hospital because she's ill with cancer.  The girls were given some money to spend, but instead of buying gifts for themselves, they pool all their resources together to buy their mother a necklace with five hearts on it.  One heart represents each daughter, and the big one in the center is their mother.

They give the mother the necklace and a week later she dies.

I'm reading this aloud, trying so hard not to cry, but completely failing.  There's a moment of silence while I sniffle and prepare to begin chapter one.  Before I can get myself together, Finn asks:

"Wait, she died right after they gave her the necklace?"

"Yes," I say, readying myself to console him.  "A few days after."

He makes a scrunchy face and says, completely appalled, "Why did they waste all their money!?"

Way to zero in on the real tragedy, buddy.

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Finn: Mama, I want to grow up fast so I can be old enough to marry you.

[ten minutes later]

Finn: Mama, when you die can I have your phone?

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Finn:  Mama, who's picking up Cael today?
Me:  We are.
Finn:  Are we walking or driving?
Me:  Walking.
Finn: [whining] Why?
Me:  Because it's good for us and good for the planet.
Finn:  Then why did they invent cars?

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Finn: Mama, do you want me to tell you who my best friend is?
Allie: Yes!  I'd love to know!
Finn: [whispers] Lily.
Allie:  Lily?
Finn:  Uh huh.
Allie:  I don't know Lily.  Is she very nice?
Finn:  Yes.
Allie:  Do you talk to her a lot?
Finn:  No, she doesn't even look at me.
Allie:  She doesn't talk to you or look at you but you're best friends?
Finn: Uh huh!
Allie:  Why's that?
Finn:  Because I love, love, love her.

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Cael:  Mama, is a hockey puck hardest?
Allie:  Yeah, I think so.
Cael:  Harder than a baseball?
Allie:  Yes.
Cael:  Harder than Andy's muscles?
Allie:  Hmm.  Yeah, I think so.  Maybe not your daddy's muscles though.
Cael:  Your muscles are harder than daddy's.
Allie:  Really?
Cael;  Yeah, but not the hardest.
Allie:  Who has the hardest?
Cael:  Hap has the hardest muscles in the earth.
Allie:  That's probably true.  Do you think one day your muscles will be as hard as Hap's?
Cael:  [Flexes]  They're already harder than Andy's.

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I understand that real estate is a tricky business, but I'm pretty sure this particular mama bird got played when she bought this property.  Her house is in our ridiculously shoddy and thin arborvitae right at eye level.  She's got a view of nothing, but we've certainly got a view of her.  She may as well be on the ground in the center of our yard mud pit.

Mama Bird:  What do you guys want from McDonalds?
Babies: Cheeseburgers!
[Mama Bird flies away and returns with food.]
Babies:  Did you ask for extra pickles?
[Mama Bird flies away and returns with food.]
Babies:  These have onions!  We said, "No onions!"
Mama Bird:  No, you didn't.
Babies:  It was implied.  No one likes those dehydrated onions.
[Mama Bird flies away and returns with food.]
Babies:  There's not enough mustard.  One squirt?  Who are they kidding with this?  Don't come back with less than two squirts.
[Mama Bird flies away and returns with food.]
Babies:  I'm feeling carnivorous.  Make them double cheeseburgers.
[Mama Bird flies away and returns with food.]
Babies:  Actually, we're thinking maybe McNuggets sound better.
[Mama Bird cries.]

She's a hard worker, that Mama Bird.  At first I felt bad for her.  Then I thought about how she doesn't have to clean the house and I stopped feeling bad for her.  Then I thought about how she doesn't get to use the internet and I felt bad for her again.

Regardless, I think my babies are cuter. :)

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Allie: Cael! It is not okay to slap!
Cael: But, Mama, I didn't slap you. I high-fived you in the face!

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Today was priming day. Tomorrow was to be painting day. Simple enough.

Walls? Meet your masters. (Sure, they may seem like complete goobers, but they're highly trained in the art of painting faux-wood burled tiles for set construction. They can handle a little white goop in straight lines.)

We labored. We toiled. There wasn't blood this time, but there were tears (from the fumes of the floor refinishing combined with 5 gallon buckets of liquid latex).

...

Allie: I don't think we're going to get this done today.
Ryan: Don't be silly. Of course we are.
Allie: Seems like we have a lot left to do. What time is it, anyway?
Ryan: Um, probably one.
Allie: Really?
Ryan: [checks clock] Oh. It's 2:45.

So, no. We didn't get it done. Not even close. Guess our two day plan just became a four day plan.

Whoops.

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About 30 minutes after we'd put Cael to bed we found him on the toilet, light on, pants off, magazine in hand.

Allie: Hey, Buddy. Whatcha doing?
Cael: Pooping. [goes back to reading]

I sat down and kept him company while he finished up. He noticed my nose was peeling and got very concerned.

Cael: Mama, what's that white stuff?
Allie: I got a sunburn at the beach. An owie from the sun.
Cael: I didn't get an owie from the sun.
Allie: Because you were good and put sunscreen on. Mama didn't.
Cael: Mama, you need sunscreen. I'll remind you. I'll tell you.
Allie: Thanks, Buddy. That's really nice of you.
Cael: Next time we go to the beach, I'll remind you you need sunscreen. I'll take care of you, Mama. Don't worry.

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Cael got some magnet letters and numbers for the fridge. Right off the bat, he determined that Finn was not allowed to play with the letters, but he could play with the numbers if he had to play with something.

Cael: [Slides the F over with the numbers.]
Allie: [Slides it back.] F is a letter. It goes between the E and the G.
Cael: [Slides it to numbers.] No, Mama.
Allie: [Sings the song.] See? E, F, G.
Cael: No, Mama. F is for Finn!
Allie: [Slides it to letters.] Yes, that's right. F is for Finn!
Cael: [Slides it to numbers.]
Allie: F is a letter, not a number.
Cael: F is for Finn! Letters are for Cael!

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Allie: Cael, why are you taking off your pants?
Cael: Because I have to dance!

*Twenty minutes later*

Allie: Finn, why are you taking off your diaper?
Finn: [pees on the carpet]

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[As Ryan is leaving for work]
Cael: Daddy, drive safe-a-leee! Don't drive faster! You might bonk into any cars!

--

Allie: And what's this?
Cael: P!
Allie: It's like a P, but it has an extra line on it, see? It's an R.
Cael: Mama, you're really great at this. Good job!

--

[Allie takes PlayDoh from Finn, who is putting it in his mouth.]
Allie: No, Finn. You can't eat that.
[Finn cries.]
Cael: Mama! That not nice! You don't take toys from Finn!
[Cael starts pushing Allie toward her bedroom.]
Cael: You get time out now!

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[There's a noise in the kitchen.]
Allie: [From the living room] Cael?
Cael: [From the kitchen] I made a mess, but I'm sorry to you! I'm really very sorry to you, Mama!

That can't be good.

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Cael: Mama, what are you doing?

Allie: Playing blocks. What are you doing?

Cael: Oh, I'm just loving you.

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We were at Fred Meyer and Cael said, "Uh oh. I peed in my SpongeBob."

This does not mean he actually peed in his underwear. It means he has the urge to pee and if he doesn't find a bathroom shortly, then the yellow cartoon character that adorns his underwear will become a casualty of potty training.

Ryan and Finn were AWOL purchasing a rake, because while "one stop shopping" is great in theory, it's really not practical when you want milk and large, pointy objects to ride in the same cart.

Because I have absolutely no idea how someone is supposed to go to the bathroom with a stocked grocery cart in tow, we ran around the store to the tune of "Hold it! Hold it! Keep holding it!" until, about five minutes later, we managed to locate Ryan and Finn.

Ryan and I swapped charges and the race was on. I watched their heads disappear beyond the checkout stands and turned toward the pasta aisle.

We'd made it to canned fruit when Ryan and Cael returned, Cael hoisted up on his dad's shoulders. They got closer and the giant wet spot down the front of Ryan's shirt was immediately visible.

My first thought was, "Oh no!" and my second was, "Why on Earth would he put Cael on his shoulders if his pants are soaked in pee?"

Allie: Want to go home and I'll come back and finish the shopping?
Ryan: Why?
Allie: Because your neck is wrapped in urine?

And then the big goober busts into a huge grin and says, "GOTCHA!"

He had poured water on the front of his shirt to fake Cael having an accident.

Such a dork. A dork of epic proportions.

Aren't I lucky?

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Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: Finn says, "Dada."
Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: Finn says, "Yooka hooka!"

It's so much clearer now.

--

Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: No, Finn. You can't have the monkey.
Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: No, Finn!
Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: I'm going to put it over here.
Finn: [Indistinct babbling]
Cael: You can't have it!

Finn never actually crossed the room to Cael or stopped to look up from the toy he was playing with, but apparently he voiced his interest in stealing the monkey.

Turns out Finn has plenty of unpleasant and aggressive things to say. Cael is constantly having to go on the defensive! Poor baby.

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Cael: Mama, you are a girl.
Allie: That's right. I am. Do you know any other girls?
Cael: Lolo.
Allie: Yup! Lolo's a girl. Anyone else?
Cael: Grandma Tracey!
Allie: Right! Anyone else?
Cael: Andy!
Allie: Andy's not a girl! Andy's a boy.
Cael: That's silly, Mama. Andy's a girl!
Allie: I'm pretty sure he's a boy.
Cael: That's silly!
Allie: And guess what's even sillier - your dad's a boy too!
Cael: [laughs hysterically]

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Cael: Mama, don't feed Finn!
Allie: I've got to feed him; he's hungry.
Cael: No, he not hungry!
Allie: Yeah, Butter, he's hungry. It's time for him to eat.
Cael: No, he not hungry! He eat yesterday!

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