Alias - What Else?

This week on Alias – whoa baby. Two whole hours.*

*Yah… more like a whole sixty minutes – but hey – that ain’t bad.

OMG.

Irina is ALIVE???

/gasp

Yeah… we might have known that was gonna happen for oh – since we heard she was dead. But that’s okay, because it still rocks my socks. Lena Olin, you are a goddess. Nobody does it better. This woman is the mostest uberist in the world. Hullo… is she not sexy?

And well, Jack… I’m glad they’re working so well together, you know, considering that he murdered her with a direct shot in la cabeza. (Side note – Dear Editors, please do not show me the warped and bloody face of a dead woman, who I happen to adore, sinking into a murky blue swimming pool. Sincerely, Devoted Fan.) But, dear god… the makeout? Nuh uh. Jack’s cool and all – but not when it comes to the lubbin. Save that for the dvd deleted scenes so the Jack/Irina Shippers can have their fun, but please don’t subject the rest of us to that. It’s like watching Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton kiss. Who wants to see that?

/gag

Hmm. Was it just me, or did Syddie seem to be wearing a lot of buttoned up jackets? And was her “sexy dress” something similar to what I wore my first day of kindergarten? Hello? No more blue rubber dresses in the future. Just empire-waisted baby doll fluff. Gah.

[Tangent/]

If this certain woman, who we shall call… Trixie… ruins my show, there will be hell to pay. Just because Hairy McSkeeze happened to somehow convince her he was more than an halfwitted turkey does not mean my world should come crashing down. Season five is gonna be a lot of Michael Vartan looking depressed and close-ups of Trixie’s desk bound upper body – and I’m not going to approve. If the next season even remotely reeks of crap I am going to her Westwood estate and when I leave there will be eggs on her siding. Or maybe toilet paper in her trees. It will be something mildly destructive – I just haven’t quite worked it out yet.

[/Tangent]

He proposed and she said “ask on the beach”??? That’s not what you say when Michael Vartan offers you a ring, woman! You say, “Ohmygodme? Areyouaskingme? Areyousureyouhavetherightwoman? Evenifyoudont-YES! THEANSWERISYESDEARGODYESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!”

Duh.

Uh, the “rough” scene was so absolutely hilarious that it’s all I can do not to run back into the living room, rewind the VCR and watch that scene over and over and over and over… It was the first time in a long time that there has been real S/V Shipperdom and I speak for my fellow Shippers when I say – Thank you JJ. And thank you JG for actually looking remotely attracted to MV. Just for that moment. Next time, please try and apply a little of that to the proposal scene. Let’s make it believable people.

Another little note to the powers that be. PTB, who exactly is in charge of casting this thang? ‘Cause, while I congratulate them on Michael Vartan… isn’t the Derevko clan supposed to be Russian? So, uh… why is Elena Hispanic? And uh… why is Nadia? How on earth did the whitest man on the planet and a Russian princess combine to make a Latina? EH? And what’s with the Hispanic aunt? Is there something to that or were you too busy patting yourself on the back for snagging JG to realize that there was more casting to be done?

Not that I’m really complaining, because Mia Maestro is the best thing to happen to that show since… well… since they got rid of Whoren.

Next week on Alias – something’s gonna happen.

I predict:

The giant ball o’ sci fi is going to look even more unrealistic and be even less logical than it did this week.

Lena Olin will be dead sexy. And dead. Yes, I think she’s going to really die. But this time, instead of it being a – “I killed your mother during the summer break because Lena Olin wouldn’t renew her contract” – type of kill, it will be one of those dramatic encounters where Irina will throw herself in front of the bullet that is meant for Nadia… the one that comes from Sydney’s gun. Yup, that’s what I think.

Arvin will reveal that he’s not really turned eeevil… that it was “the only way” he could disable the device. He had to convince Elena that he was on her side. Sure Arvie. Sure.

Vaughn will take Syddie to the beach and she will SAY YES DAMNIT.

If she doesn’t – I will.