Sly

Oh, Sylvester.

/shakes head

Sylvester and I haven’t known each other all that long. It’s been a little over a year since this Dell was FedEx’d into my life and in that short time we’ve had a fair amount of trauma.

I take full responsibility for the first incident. It was my clumsiness that resulted in his premature gutting and refacing… but he was “as good as new!”

After the Cider Slider we’ve had a few hiccups. Mostly along the lines of frozen screens and burnt wrists. Maybe I ask too much of him. I know he’s not a gaming machine, and I certainly have learned that he needs his cool-down time… and sometimes I deny him that. But, in the end, I feel that what I take from him I more than return in appreciation and adoration.

So why am I here today writing my blog on Ryan’s computer? Why has he failed me?

If only I knew.

It started as a few error screens on start-up. Then, yesterday, a day like any other, he froze and I rebooted. The error screen returned but this time – it wouldn’t start. Nine, ten successive restarts resulted in a variety of blank screens, error messages and prompts… but never anything past the desktop wallpaper. Once I saw a mouse, but couldn’t make it dance. And so, the good people of Dell were notified.

I’m not exactly sure what was happening on the other end of the phone line but from where I was sitting I got the impression that Ryan was talking to a dog.

“No,” he said loudly and clearly.

“No. NO.”

There would be noise on the other end and then Ryan would respond just as forcefully, “yes.”

I think I liked it better when you just had to press numbers.

The phone did a few basic tricks and we were all rewarded with the entrance of Sandra.

English is not Sandra’s first language and computer is not mine. I assure you that if I had to deal with this without Ryan’s assistance it would be frightful at best. After managing to communicate our issue, Sandra told Ryan to reboot and press a series of keys which resulted in some odd diagnostic screen that I didn’t know existed. It’s as if he delved into the depths of Sly and found a side I had yet to dust off. At first I was impressed… but then came the test.

Sandy instructed Ryan to run some sort of test of the hard drive to check for errors. She informed him that it could take 25-30 minutes and so he should put her on speaker-phone and go about his business. We thought this was a little odd, but did as instructed, moving about the room as ghosts in the night as the phone sat on the desk – a microphone. When Ryan wanted my attention he would clear his throat and motion to me. I’d head across the room and he’d whisper in my ear, anxious not to let Sandra hear our business. After about thirty minutes her voice broke through the silence.

“Hello, Sir. Sir, are you there?”

Ryan jumped up and snatched the phone, informing Sandra that we were only 9% into the test.

“Yes,” she confirmed, “takes long time. Relax. Put on speaker-phone.”

We did as instructed – or as close as we could come to relaxing with the phone sitting ominously on the desktop, connecting us with Sandra’s ear.

Thirty minutes later:

“Hello, Sir. Sir, are you there?”

This test was not progressing as quickly as we had been told it would. She informed us that it takes time and she would wait. Ryan suggested that maybe since this looked like it was going to take hours we would get her number and call her when it was done. Apparently, the instruction manual does not allow her to abandon the customer mid-test.

This went on until about four in the morning and the three of us were on edge. Ryan tried again to ask Sandra if perhaps he could go to bed and call her in the morning. She told him that she wanted to give it fifteen more minutes and then we would reevaluate the situation.

“Get comfortable. Get coffee,” she suggested.

A while later, we reevaluated and she decided to let us go to bed. She said she would call us back in the morning.

“What time I call?”

“How about ten pacific?”

“Earlier.”

“Eight?”

“You be awake?”

“Yeah, we’ll get up.”

“It is four in the morning?”

“Yeah, it is.”

She told us she’d call at eight to check on the status of the test and we thankfully headed to bed.

It’s a little before nine and the test has finally concluded but Sandra has not called and the extension she gave us is “no longer in service.”

Again, Ryan speaks to the dog.

“No. NO. No. Yes. No.”

We’ve got human life now and from what I can hear it speaks fluent English. He’s clicking buttons and now yet another side of Sylvester is revealed. Who knew he had so many sides.

HOLD.

THE.

PHONE.

The prompt that just hit the screen actually made my stomach churn.

“Press OK to continue. All data will be lost. If you do not wish to continue Cancel now.”

/weep openly

Mr. All American Tech Support has cavalierly stated that we are to continue with the restoration.

There’s a buzzing in my head and a sickness forming in my stomach. I can’t think of anything on my computer that I’m going to miss, and I’m wondering if it’s some sort of defense mechanism. Perhaps I’ve erased the existence of anything pertinent that I may have created in the past year.

Yeah, it was a defense mechanism.

It’s all flooding back.

I don’t feel so good.

In the background I hear Ryan telling Techie that he works in the entertainment industry and that he’s headed to law school… I’d ask wth he’s doing but I need to get back in bed.

Oh, Sylvester.