Stung

So.

I am an idiot.

I (predictably) blame the fetus.

Yesterday, I was stung by a bee. This resulted two things: a very lopsided gait and frequently having to respond to the question, “How the hell did you manage to find a bee in 30 degree weather?”

Answer? Mad skillz. I was getting the nursery ready for painting and unrolled the giant drop cloth we keep in our garage, unleashing a ginormous yellow jacket. The lethargic, mid-hibernation, really-freaking-big bee proceeded to crawl across my floor.

What happened next is a matter of great debate.

I say the bastard stung me. Ryan says I inadvertently skewered myself with a semi-mobile (and probably sleep-walking) bee’s half-erect stinger. This is, apparently, the equivalent of impaling myself on a pencil and blaming the pencil. Po-tay-to, pot-ah-to. I think Ryan’s just trying to justify letting the six-legged devil’s minion live.

Act of aggression or merely the combo of my weight and his stinger, the damn thing still packed a punch. The bottom of my foot is all swollen and itchy and is driving me insane. I, being a child of the sprawling metropolis of Oregon’s great capital, remedy this by smothering the bite in Cortaid or some other OTC drug that comes in a tube. Ryan, a child of Hicksville, WA, solves my crisis by mixing together things from the cupboard like some witchdoctor-cum-Rachel Ray. Don’t tell the drug companies, but his was totally the better solution.

This is how I wound up at my parent’s house for weekly family feast, propped on a recliner and dousing my foot in a baking soda and vinegar mixture. All would have been well and good had I not needed to personally apply a fresh coat after dinner…. and had Mother not made carrot cake cupcakes for dessert.

Really, I shouldn’t be held responsible. They were in identical bowls and the color was exactly the same. I swear.

I was thinking, “Dang, the second coat is going on much more smoothly. Maybe I should always make it an hour before and let it sit?”

This was immediately followed by, “Why won’t the dogs leave me alone?”

So, in case you were wondering, cream cheese frosting does not ease the itch of a bee sting. Ganache has yet to be tested. (Though I’m sure some day I’ll get there. *facepalm*)