Shut UP!

I was at the grocery store today, sifting through the green onions, when the sprinklers came on. Usually you hear a little warning noise first, to let you know to get the hell out of the way… but apparently this particular produce aisle didn’t feel the need to alert the shoppers. Anyway, it sprayed me and I let out a little yelp of surprise. The old lady next to me (cucumbers) did the same. Then she shook her head and said, “They think spraying keeps the vegetables longer. If it did, my refrigerator would spit at me!”

Ryan and I had one of the worst dining experiences ever when we had dinner at Red Robin last night. The food was fine, but the people in the booth two down from us were horrible. It was some lady and her 8-9 year old son, and another couple and their 2-year-old boy. The young boy (we shall call him Christopher, for that was his name) was standing on the booth leaning on his father’s shoulder and attempting to put his dad’s dog tag over his head. The older boy (we shall call him Shut Up, for that was his name) was holding his mother’s picture phone and trying to get Christopher to smile for the picture. He did this by yelling “Christopher!” repeatedly and at the top of his lungs. I swear on everything holy he yelled that name straight for at least a minute and little Christopher (as well as the three adults at the table) were taking no notice. I think perhaps Christopher had a hearing problem, or just enough common sense to ignore the older boy. Finally, the mother yelled, “Shut up, he’s not going to look at you!” This only made Shut Up pause briefly, before continuing to shout. After a while, Christopher tired of the dog tag and went to look at the carousel horses that were precariously balanced on a ledge across from their booth. Shut up took this to mean that Christopher wanted to ride the horses. He dismounted from the booth and went over to the horses, one of them a foot of the floor, the other about three feet off the floor, and started shaking them to test their sturdiness. I thought this was wise of young Shut Up. I thought perhaps he cared about the well being of Christopher and would not subject his friend to the horrors of the incredibly rickety shell of a horse. Instead, upon finding that the horse was far from sturdy, he shouted, “Look Christopher! It rocks!” Like somehow this would make the ride more enjoyable. As Shut Up repeated the little boy’s name at an impressively piercing volume, the three adults (amazingly impassive up until this point) look over to the shouting boy and his mother yelled, “Shut Up!” No “stop rocking the precariously balanced horse” or “don’t touch that” or “please sit back down you’re causing a scene” – just “Shut Up” and then she went back to dining. Tired of the horses, Christopher decided to go to the empty booth that separated us from them and sit peacefully. Shut Up decided to jump on the both, stand there and play with the light fixture. As he shouted “Christopher! Christopher look!” the mother once again took time out of her busy schedule to pay attention to her child-run-amuck and shout, “Don’t touch that! It will electrocute you!” At least she’s concerned for his safety.