Here’s the deal. I have a little problem, and I’m unsure of the proper course of action. I figured I’d poll the audience.So, my neighbors… are bunnies. Rabidly humping bunnies. This would not necessarily be a problem for me, were she not a screamer. And by screamer I mean that she emits the kind of cry you were sure was reserved for life and death situations or hard-core porn.[Example]Woman:...

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It’s raining. And I’m not talking Oregon rain. None of the good stuff… the light sprinkles and random downpours that make you feel like Gene Kelly. Oh no. This is LA rain. This is the kind of rain that happens when the sky opens up and hawks up the biggest loogie you could ever conceive, and continues to do so for days on end. The drops are the size of golf balls. You can’t stand outside for two seconds without drenching...

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Recipe for Disaster:1 Brand-spankin’ new laptop1 cup chilled apple ciderA dash of stupidityA pinch of clumsinessMake sure cup of cider is filled to the brim in order to produce maximum damage. Place cup on desk between mouse and laptop. Add stupidity. Add clumsiness.If successful, your disaster should include:Immediate loss of power, complete with satisfying hissThe grip of fear with a chokehold...

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So I just tried to eat my own finger. Not on purpose, mind you – so perhaps ‘tried’ is the wrong word. I came close to eating my finger. I was chowing down on fast food (because the only way to consume fast food is to ‘chow’), furiously stuffing fries into my gaping maw when I felt a sharp pain and my teeth bounced back. I wonder, in retrospect, why I felt the need to jam my index finger a good...

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It is Wednesday and I am sad. You might wonder how it is possible for these two words to be in the same sentence. Wednesday? Sad? NO! Yes. Alias does not air today. I waited four extra months for this season to air, and in return I, Allison Jane Saucy (the first), was PROMISED an episode EVERY WEEK. Wuzzup wit dis? Here, I will sum up Bush's State of the Union without even seeing it. "Mah...

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