Anyone Want an Autograph?

So I just tried to eat my own finger. Not on purpose, mind you – so perhaps ‘tried’ is the wrong word. I came close to eating my finger. I was chowing down on fast food (because the only way to consume fast food is to ‘chow’), furiously stuffing fries into my gaping maw when I felt a sharp pain and my teeth bounced back. I wonder, in retrospect, why I felt the need to jam my index finger a good two inches into my mouth just to deposit a French fry. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

So remember Amazon Angie vs. Slamazon Suzie? Well, it aired tonight, and let me just tell you – I was pleasantly surprised with my screen time. I guess sixteen hours of staring at soft-core live-action porn has its rewards. There were four Big Bud scenes, and in the final one I can be found directly stage right of Big Bud’s head the whole time. Woot woot for the little people.

I didn’t see Terri, Danny or Renatta so I won’t be able to point any of them out to you all. Though I doubt you taped it, since I didn’t warn you and, well, (Lauren don’t kill me) since it’s JAG.

*WARNING* LAUREN STOP READING

So, during my hour of straining and squinting to try and find my face between the bobbing vus, I found that I was extremely disappointed with the show itself. I have watched JAG before and, while it is no Alias, I didn’t dislike it. I didn’t seek it out, or watch it again – but I didn’t dislike it. The problem I had with it was that it was too slow. But, as I know it is geared toward an older audience, I accepted it. (LAUREN, I SAID STOP READING.) After ten years of being on the air, the series has acquired a regular fan-base which is invested in the characters and doesn’t need anything more than UST (Unresolved Sexual Tension… you would know that if you read fanfiction) to keep them intrigued. This time, however, it was a struggle to sit though it. Apparently, since last I watched, they hired the Director of Photography from the Blair Witch Project. What in the heck is with the freakishly-shaky-pseudo-documentary-almost-stills with random camera flashes? It reminds me of some movie, which I can't recall, where we see things from the perspective of a person-turned-wolf. I had to close my eyes to keep from getting nauseous.

Note to the producers: accept that your viewers are older. They don’t like the weird camera crap. And frankly, I don’t think the younger viewers like it either. You’re not gaining anyone, and you certainly won’t be keeping the housewives and their mothers-in-law for long.

Note to the producers (part two): I recently found out that you produced Quantum Leap. I also recently found out that when the series ended, you didn't have him leap home! What is up with that? Have you no souls?? I rarely watched the show, but the one thing I do remember is that the poor man only wanted to get home. Wasn't that in the narration during the credits? "Always hoping the next leap will be his leap home" or something like that? You're breaking my heart here people, breaking it.