Un-Fit

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd miss Workout-Video-Tony telling me, "Suck it up. This is 3-4!" Woe, that day has come.

The Wii Fit is a bully.

Our unhealthy relationship began when the Wii labeled me as a 40-year-old with, according to my avatar, an aching back. All you over forty can be offended by it calling 40-year-olds decrepit and I can be offended because I'm only 26 OMG! (Yeah, okay, so my back does kinda ache. Shut up.)

Too bad the yoga and strength exercises are led by boring "trainers" that don't move their mouths but still manage to give you shit you for sucking. If they were the cartoon version of me and set to music I'd be more inclined to do the pushups, but at this point? I spend all my Wii minutes trying to hoola hoop. And yes, "trying," because though Ryan can get 300 rotations in, I drop the damn hoop before I can hit 30.

Which leads me to another complaint: WHY is Ryan so much better than me in the games? I'll give him the strength and stamina sections. I'm a sloth and he's not. But the games? They're about balance! I was a dancer for 12 years and the Wii is asking me if I trip when I walk. Rude. (And more than a little embarassing.) He's not supposed to beat me at this! It's bad enough the Wii gives me shit for being sub-par, but does it have to show me Ryan's name at the top of all the records every single time? I get it. He's a champ. Give him a medal and get me a cane, 'cause I think I pulled my hamstring.

Oh, Wii? Guess what? I'm eating chips and salsa while I ski. Can't shit talk me for that, 'cause you don't have eyes!

...Though, it'll rib me for the weight I'll gain from it, won't it?

ETA: OMG. THE DAMN THING JUST TOLD ME TO BRUSH MY TEETH. IT KNOWS!