Allie: Did you hear the news? Ryan: Most likely. [Silence] Allie: That’s it? Ryan: What’s what? Allie: That’s the end of the dialogue? You don’t want to know what the news is? Ryan: I told you, I would assume I already know it. Allie: So you’re not even curious? Ryan: Not really. Allie: You suck. Ryan: I’m sorry. Allie: Does anyone want to know what the news is? Adam: I do. Allie: Yes!...

Read more »

I don’t know if it’s just Los Angeles, or just The Cheesecake Factory, but let me tell you – that place is a well-oiled machine. When Ryan and I went there the other night (yes, the faux-Vartan night) we learned first hand their waiting process. First, you go and give them your name. Then, they punch a few numbers in on the computer and they give you one of those plastic doohickeys* that lights...

Read more »

Yesterday I donned my background cap and took the set of CBS’ JAG by storm. Oh yes, I worked JAG. (Lauren, please wipe up that drool. We don’t need to see that.) Sadly, however, I did not work with Catherine Bell or David James Elliot. I suppose the best is still yet to come. So now that you know I’m not going to regale you with tales of celebrities (unless you count Bud and his dad, Big Bud,...

Read more »

For all of you who wonder what I would do if I actually saw Michael Vartan, I can tell you. I’d flip out, pee my pants, and die of heart failure. Ryan and I were at The Cheesecake Factory, seated at a two-person booth in a row of similar booths. After our waiter introduced himself to us as Chadwick, he moved to the couple behind me. The gentleman and I were back to back and he was dining with...

Read more »

Ryan is obsessed. Seriously, he can’t stop. It’s an addiction and I just don’t know what to do about it. He is constantly looking at himself in the mirror. Our closet doors are mirrored and he sits at his computer, or on the bed, or sometimes just stands there and looks at himself. The worst is when we’re sitting and having a conversation – does he look at me? No. Why would he do that when...

Read more »

I’ve found my soul mate – it’s Patti. Yes, that’s right. She’ll watch Alias with me. Not only will she watch it, but she will watch numerous episodes in one sitting. Today we watched three (Salvation, The Counteragent and The Passage Part I, for those of you who care – who I am guessing are few). If only Matt didn’t come home and ruin everything. Blast him and his bad taste. I mean, really…...

Read more »

Alright. Due to excessive interest, I’m going to tell you about my day as a star. Or, not star. Extra. But that’s as close to a star as I’ve come, and you weren’t there, so you don’t know – therefore I’m going to call myself a star. So there. *Sticks out tongue*Oh, and Ryan was a star too.Okay, for those of you who don’t know, Ryan and I appeared as “background” (the new word for “extra”) on...

Read more »

Allie: Do you ever wonder about bananas? Ryan: All the time. Allie: I mean, they’re so easy to peel. The perfect outside protecting the mushy inside. Edible completely separate from the inedible. Ryan: Why does that confuse you? Allie: It just doesn’t make sense. And how does that benefit the banana in any way? It’s not like it can peel itself to spread its seed. Ryan: That sort of thing...

Read more »

You’ve got to be shitting me. This is the epitome of patheti-lame. I am seriously feeling nauseous. To 50-odd percent of America I’ve just got to ask – what the hell were you thinking? Take off your blinders and remove your earplugs. The man is an undisputed idiot. And he thinks God talks through him? Well, let me just say I don’t know a thing about God but I would certainly hope that he or...

Read more »

I’ve decided I’m not incredibly fond of the monster that I have become. Just call me Lazysaurus. Sure, indolence is a virtue. But I think I need to look into having more than one enviable quality. So, in my effort to perk up my future personal ads, I’ve made some November resolutions.1) Get your lazy good for nothing ass out of bed before 9… or 10. Ten. Definitely ten.2) Though running in bed...

Read more »