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Excerpt

Inhale.

Splash.

Exhale.

Splish.

The echo of the water as it slams into porcelain reaches her across the great expanse of mustard yellow. Each drop that lands chips away at her sanity.

Perhaps if it were rhythmic she wouldn’t be so irritated.

Inhale.

Splash.

Exhale.

Splish splash splish.

Inhale.

Splash splish.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Splash.

Exhale.

Water never seems to stop. She can think of nothing as tediously unrelenting as a dripping faucet. Something about its composition must make it so painfully persistent – but she can’t imagine what. What drives something to push forward?

The drop forms at the tip of the rusted metal spout. Time is not on his side, however… it’s only a matter of seconds before the next drop hurls itself down the pipe and threatens to overtake the first. The next drop may land somewhere else, or it may just pass him by. But he can’t take any chances. The utter horror of the third possibility is what causes him to plummet. To leap into oblivion. If he didn’t… he would lose himself. If he allowed the next drop to collide – to merge into one – he would no longer exist. And that is a risk no drop can take.

Splish splash splish.

Three heroic drops launch themselves forward. They don’t know how it will end… but they know it’s worth the risk. They know what lies behind them, and they’re certain that’s not where they long to be.

Splash.

She wishes they would stop. Perhaps if they realized the only thing that lay ahead was another pipe. Another dark tunnel. Another ill-advised leap.

Turning on her side, she finds herself face to face with a digital display.

3:27

It seems the only thing as persistent as a leaky faucet is the passage of time.

She carefully removes the blanket and slips silently out of bed. She doesn’t want to disturb him. Though she doubts any noise on her part will. If he can sleep through the pounding of water as it smashes into the tub – he can sleep through the next world war.

Padding stealthily to the bathroom she surveys her options.

Logic.

She can reason with them. Convince the drops that there is nothing to jump for. Nothing beneficial about moving forward. No hope for a future any different than their current, daily droll.

But then, when has water ever responded to a rational plea?

The second option seems more likely.

Clamping her fingers tightly around the chilled metal knob, she twists it clockwise. The knob resists.

Of course it does.

She wraps her left hand around the remaining exposed metal and leans forward before turning the knob with all the strength she can muster. It remains unresponsive. The only thing that appears to budge is the skin of her palm as it rips and burns.

The screams of the drops increase in volume, only to be outdone by the thud as they sprawl helplessly on final contact.

Releasing her death grip on the knob, she retreats into the sink. She runs the flushed pink flesh of her hand under the cool water before reaching for a towel. As it absorbs the moisture from her hands, a solution presents itself.

Throwing the towel beneath the spout of the tub, she finds herself uncharacteristically pleased. It may not silence the screams… but it will soften the impact.

One step at a time.
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Hairy McSkeeze

The following is an excerpt from Black Eyes of Boston, an article on MSN Entertainment about Bostonians who give the town a bad name:

I've saved the worst for last. In the long and distinguished line of actors who have seen their careers crash and burn due to horrific role choices, Ben Affleck tops a list where the second-place finisher isn't even in the same solar system. At one time, he and his talented buddy Matt Damon were the toast of Boston, after winning the Oscar for penning "Good Will Hunting." But now, Ben has managed to fall so far from A-list celebrity status, he finds himself playing celebrity poker and competing for Hollywood roles with Steve Guttenberg and the guy who played Turbo in the "Breakin'" movies.

Through quirky, challenging roles, Damon seems genuinely sincere in exploring the craft of acting. Affleck takes such mind-numbing roles that they couldn't entertain a group of chimpanzees after they ate a batch of pot brownies. And I don't care how much fame or fortune he acquires, to me, Affleck was the clown in high school who joined the drama club in an attempt to make out with the chick who lacked confidence but appreciated theater.

The guy is a complete sham. He touts himself as a maniacal Red Sox fan, but I'd be willing to bet that before he became famous, Affleck never stepped foot in Fenway Park more than 10 times. Sure, when playoff time comes around, he escorts J.Lo or Jennifer Garner to their box seats wearing a glove, hoping to catch a foul ball and carrying on like a diehard, but true citizens of Red Sox nation know that deep down, Ben would rather be back at the Ritz Carlton catching the last 15 minutes of "JAG" and making an appointment to have his chest waxed.

Man, he drives me nuts.


Beautifully said, Chris Coakley - you have a way with words. You forgot, however, to add onto the long list of Affleck's major flaws -- HE RUINED MY SHOW!!
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Alias - What Else?

This week on Alias – whoa baby. Two whole hours.*

*Yah… more like a whole sixty minutes – but hey – that ain’t bad.

OMG.

Irina is ALIVE???

/gasp

Yeah… we might have known that was gonna happen for oh – since we heard she was dead. But that’s okay, because it still rocks my socks. Lena Olin, you are a goddess. Nobody does it better. This woman is the mostest uberist in the world. Hullo… is she not sexy?

And well, Jack… I’m glad they’re working so well together, you know, considering that he murdered her with a direct shot in la cabeza. (Side note – Dear Editors, please do not show me the warped and bloody face of a dead woman, who I happen to adore, sinking into a murky blue swimming pool. Sincerely, Devoted Fan.) But, dear god… the makeout? Nuh uh. Jack’s cool and all – but not when it comes to the lubbin. Save that for the dvd deleted scenes so the Jack/Irina Shippers can have their fun, but please don’t subject the rest of us to that. It’s like watching Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton kiss. Who wants to see that?

/gag

Hmm. Was it just me, or did Syddie seem to be wearing a lot of buttoned up jackets? And was her “sexy dress” something similar to what I wore my first day of kindergarten? Hello? No more blue rubber dresses in the future. Just empire-waisted baby doll fluff. Gah.

[Tangent/]

If this certain woman, who we shall call… Trixie… ruins my show, there will be hell to pay. Just because Hairy McSkeeze happened to somehow convince her he was more than an halfwitted turkey does not mean my world should come crashing down. Season five is gonna be a lot of Michael Vartan looking depressed and close-ups of Trixie’s desk bound upper body – and I’m not going to approve. If the next season even remotely reeks of crap I am going to her Westwood estate and when I leave there will be eggs on her siding. Or maybe toilet paper in her trees. It will be something mildly destructive – I just haven’t quite worked it out yet.

[/Tangent]

He proposed and she said “ask on the beach”??? That’s not what you say when Michael Vartan offers you a ring, woman! You say, “Ohmygodme? Areyouaskingme? Areyousureyouhavetherightwoman? Evenifyoudont-YES! THEANSWERISYESDEARGODYESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!”

Duh.

Uh, the “rough” scene was so absolutely hilarious that it’s all I can do not to run back into the living room, rewind the VCR and watch that scene over and over and over and over… It was the first time in a long time that there has been real S/V Shipperdom and I speak for my fellow Shippers when I say – Thank you JJ. And thank you JG for actually looking remotely attracted to MV. Just for that moment. Next time, please try and apply a little of that to the proposal scene. Let’s make it believable people.

Another little note to the powers that be. PTB, who exactly is in charge of casting this thang? ‘Cause, while I congratulate them on Michael Vartan… isn’t the Derevko clan supposed to be Russian? So, uh… why is Elena Hispanic? And uh… why is Nadia? How on earth did the whitest man on the planet and a Russian princess combine to make a Latina? EH? And what’s with the Hispanic aunt? Is there something to that or were you too busy patting yourself on the back for snagging JG to realize that there was more casting to be done?

Not that I’m really complaining, because Mia Maestro is the best thing to happen to that show since… well… since they got rid of Whoren.

Next week on Alias – something’s gonna happen.

I predict:

The giant ball o’ sci fi is going to look even more unrealistic and be even less logical than it did this week.

Lena Olin will be dead sexy. And dead. Yes, I think she’s going to really die. But this time, instead of it being a – “I killed your mother during the summer break because Lena Olin wouldn’t renew her contract” – type of kill, it will be one of those dramatic encounters where Irina will throw herself in front of the bullet that is meant for Nadia… the one that comes from Sydney’s gun. Yup, that’s what I think.

Arvin will reveal that he’s not really turned eeevil… that it was “the only way” he could disable the device. He had to convince Elena that he was on her side. Sure Arvie. Sure.

Vaughn will take Syddie to the beach and she will SAY YES DAMNIT.

If she doesn’t – I will.
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275

“Twenty-seven five. Jesus Christ! Who cares about twenty-seven five? What happens at twenty-seven five doesn’t affect me.”

--

He sits parked across the street, staring blankly at her empty vehicle. He followed her there two hours ago, watched her get out, slip into the house and disappear.

Maybe it’s her girlfriend’s house. Yeah, that’s it. Just two girls in there, sipping on margaritas and talking about shopping. Silly of him to think otherwise.

But then – why did she tell him she was going to her mother’s?

The house is dark, with the exception of a small flickering spotlight illuminating the address. Twenty-seven five. The large black letters cast shadows across the faded beige siding, creating an eerie feeling deep inside him.

He rolls his window down, anxious to hear the sound of giggling and laughing… or a blender crushing ice.

His ears are met only with the sound of a quiet evening in a quiet neighborhood. Crickets chirp and children laugh in the distance. The peacefulness of it all seems to mock him.

He is anything but peaceful.

His stomach churns as he steps out of the car. The sound of the door closing echoes through the empty street, bouncing off two-car garages and alerting the sleeping masses to his presence. Stealth was never his forte.

Putting one foot in front of the other takes all his concentration as he slowly makes his way across the street and onto the walk. His conscience and his will continue an internal struggle. His heart clenches under the stress.

He halts his movements as he steps onto the porch. He could simply ring the doorbell. But then… he doesn’t want to interrupt her evening with his silly and completely unfounded concerns. No, he will just peek in the window, see her watching one of those stupid romantic comedies she’s so crazy about and drive back home. Simple enough.

The first window looks into the living room. Okay, so maybe she isn't watching a movie. There are still plenty of other things that girlfriends do together on an uneventful Tuesday night.

The second is the window above the kitchen sink. Well, of course they wouldn’t be in there. He wouldn’t expect them to. It’s almost one o’clock in the morning.

The third window is the one that shatters his heart. In the north east corner of house twenty-seven five lies the master bedroom. And in the master bedroom lies his wife.

He watches the pair only for a moment before turning and retreating to his car. The door that so deafeningly closed now soundlessly opens to envelope him.

He sinks into the worn leather seat and puts his keys in the ignition. Across the street, the small spotlight finally flickers out, swallowing the numbers in darkness and burning them into his mind.

Twenty-seven five…

--

…or something like that.

I was walking down the streets of Studio City yesterday when I passed a forty-something man in worn clothes. He carried what seemed to be all his belongings and a heaping helping of emotional baggage. He repeated the words like a broken record:

“Twenty-seven five. Jesus Christ! Who cares about twenty-seven five? What happens at twenty-seven five doesn’t affect me.”

Every time he repeated himself, he said it with more emotion and more pain. It really was quite sad… and of course… I had to wonder what did happen at twenty-seven five…
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geek speak

[Allie and Ryan are sitting at their respective computers… not two feet apart… and rather than speaking to each other –they’re typing]

Ryan: man this tool is totally spamming ooc
Allie: ya no kidding. rtfm already
Ryan no joke
Ryan: OMG
Allie: what?
Ryan: lol
Allie: wassap
Ryan: check out this toon.
Allie: brt
Ryan: hurry up.
Allie: bite mah. i’m omw.
Ryan: bah
Allie: kk which one? the swashy?
Ryan: no the de
Allie: wth? total twink.
Ryan: ya think?
Allie: pristine imbued steel on a 20 sk? totally.
Ryan: what a tool.
Allie: well he may be l33t but he’ll never be as uber as lady.
Ryan: uhuh
Allie: ladyfire ubertank PWNS
Ryan: lady = n00b
Allie: stfu
Ryan: lae would kill lady in pvp
Allie: my juggernaught > wood elf zerk
Ryan: uhuh
Allie: /sigh
Ryan: wheres dav?
Allie: otm from RV
Ryan: kewl. lets farm
Allie: nah nek harvests suck. shrubs the only nodes worth more than one cp
Ryan: wanna xp?
Allie: hey lets kite this dood. i need to get better at ranged
Ryan: kk. don’t forget to lotto you plooter. i still need my l&l.
Allie: hey I gotta afk. af on lae
Ryan: kk
Allie: ty
Ryan: np
Allie: watch that mob, i’m kos
Ryan: lmfao you got bigger concerns than aggro. imma drop you off a n’marr’s
Allie: yah rt. we’ve got no sow. i’ll be back before you get there.
Ryan: heh
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A Trip

It’s official. Clio is not a threat to national security. At least for the next 29 days.

/Sigh of relief.

I know you were all worried.

In order to take your pet across state lines by plane, you need to have a signed health certificate by order of Homeland Security. Just to make sure she isn’t packing distemper. Biological warfare is frowned upon.

We actually had the pleasure of two pet visits today. Since, well – I’ll get to that. It was a bit of a last minute veterinary visit.

Being new to the sunny land of hell-a, we have yet to find Clio a vet. So, we did what all red-blooded-lazy-cheap Americans do… we took her to the vet attached to Petco. Yes, Vetco.

What kind of people take their pet to a place called Vetco?

While we were in the waiting room a man walked in the door with a paper bag in his hands. I assumed he was carrying canned dog food or something. It looked heavy and cumbersome. Well, of course it was cumbersome. It was a cat in a bag. A brown paper bag. A cat. In a brown paper bag.

Once admitted to the examination room we were helped by a lovely woman named Bridget. Who was a little less lovely when, after she shoved a thermometer somewhere things should never be shoved, grabbed an alcohol swab and dropped it on the floor. She picked it up and looked at it briefly before swiping it once over the thermometer and placing the thermometer back in the drawer. One swipe. Hmm. Thank god it wasn’t going up my butt next.

After that ordeal we were instructed to wait for the vet.

Two minutes later, Bridget returns to say that, oops – their vet isn’t certified to do health certificates. Oops. Should have told us that yesterday when we called, shouldn’t you have, Bridget?

So off we go to vet number two. At VCH the vet actually has the qualifications required to look at Clio for two minutes and deem her healthy.

We shall not return to Vetco.

So… why did we wait until the day before takeoff to get Clio certified? Because EQ2 has sucked in my brains and won’t give them back.

If you call me while I’m playing Everquest, even if I respond – I’m not really listening. If you email me while I’m playing Everquest, and I read it? I’ll forget it ever existed. If you’re Ryan, and you say, “Allie, Clio and I are going on a walk, we’ll be back in ten minutes,” I won’t notice you were gone, nor will I know where you have been.

It’s a disease. But Ryan has it too – so I don’t feel so bad.
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The Fam

Ryan and Allie
Cael | 10
Finn | 8
Declan | 6

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