So, um. They didn't kill Sly, they just messed with his head. Now, to turn him on I have to press the Windows key and the power at the same time. First of all - whuh? Second of all - how the hell does Ryan figure this shit out? (Although, I did always wonder wtf that key was for.)

Ps. Were I one of those super cool bloggers with throngs of adoring fans, I would use this as an opportunity to recommend that you all run - don't walk - to see Shoebox Shakespeare at Willamette University (this weekend only) because it is of teh awesome. But, since I'm well... not... I guess I'm just saying: Mom and Dad, go see it!

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Click me!

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/rawr...

For updates on the nuptials tune in to:

www.ryanandallie.blogspot.com

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Hey everyone check out www.creepshow3.com and see Creepy!Ryan.... you can even set his ugly mug as your desktop wallpaper.

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The following is an excerpt from Black Eyes of Boston, an article on MSN Entertainment about Bostonians who give the town a bad name:

I've saved the worst for last. In the long and distinguished line of actors who have seen their careers crash and burn due to horrific role choices, Ben Affleck tops a list where the second-place finisher isn't even in the same solar system. At one time, he and his talented buddy Matt Damon were the toast of Boston, after winning the Oscar for penning "Good Will Hunting." But now, Ben has managed to fall so far from A-list celebrity status, he finds himself playing celebrity poker and competing for Hollywood roles with Steve Guttenberg and the guy who played Turbo in the "Breakin'" movies.

Through quirky, challenging roles, Damon seems genuinely sincere in exploring the craft of acting. Affleck takes such mind-numbing roles that they couldn't entertain a group of chimpanzees after they ate a batch of pot brownies. And I don't care how much fame or fortune he acquires, to me, Affleck was the clown in high school who joined the drama club in an attempt to make out with the chick who lacked confidence but appreciated theater.

The guy is a complete sham. He touts himself as a maniacal Red Sox fan, but I'd be willing to bet that before he became famous, Affleck never stepped foot in Fenway Park more than 10 times. Sure, when playoff time comes around, he escorts J.Lo or Jennifer Garner to their box seats wearing a glove, hoping to catch a foul ball and carrying on like a diehard, but true citizens of Red Sox nation know that deep down, Ben would rather be back at the Ritz Carlton catching the last 15 minutes of "JAG" and making an appointment to have his chest waxed.

Man, he drives me nuts.

Beautifully said, Chris Coakley - you have a way with words. You forgot, however, to add onto the long list of Affleck's major flaws -- HE RUINED MY SHOW!!

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Sometimes when I’m feeling low I like to watch Mamut. I find that the immaturity of it all is like someone farting in class. Short, sweet and embarrassingly funny. I was not in the highest of spirits today, but after one viewing of the online cartoon I felt instantly cheered. Woot woot for the Mamut. I think everyone should have a Mamut… something that instantly brings you happiness. Mine is a cartoon drawn by five year olds who don’t even speak my language. Yet somehow we have an indescribable bond. I lurve me some Mamut creators.

Now, I bet a few of you are thinking – “Ha ha! Mamut is da bomb!” and some of you are thinking “Mamut? HUH?” To the first group I say, “You are my kindred spirits. We will forever be connected in the chicitito land of humor.” To the second group I say, “I would show you the Mamut, I would lead you to the promised land… but you people didn’t like the Instanity Test. If you don’t think the racecar is hilarious (Ryan and I are laughing right now just thinking about it) then I’m not going to waste the Mamut’s time on you.”

Right now I desperately desire a Mudslide. Ryan bought me the pre-made stuff that they sell in grocery stores (I’ll get to that in a minute), but alas, it is 11pm and Matt and Patti are sleeping. Therefore I cannot use the blender. Oh sweet agony, why doest thou taunt me with mudslide near yet far?

Okay, so the liquor in the grocery stores business… why has Oregon outlawed this again? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Yeah, I don’t get it. It seems really logical to me, and very convenient. Boo on the state. You have deprived me of a wonderful time and energy saving way of getting boozed up. Yes, you – Oregon. Why were you not fostering my laziness? Did you not want me to grow up and be the immobile slug that I aspire to be? And moreover, isn’t it just encouraging gas consumption? Isn’t it bad for the environment that I have to drive to the liquor store when I’m already at the supermarket? You should be ashamed!

Have you ever taken the time to listen to the Oscar Mayer Wiener song? I mean, really listen to it? You watch the children with their little pudgy faces singing about how “I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener… then everyone would be in love with me.” Is that not wrong on so many levels? First of all, what sane child wishes they were ground up parts of reject meat? Not even the good meat – I mean… this is the stuff they pick up off the floor. And is that how children should want to get love? By tasting good when slathered with mustard? I think we should explain to these young ones that the kind of love they really should desire is not the love a person feels for their hot dog, but the love a person feels for their child.

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Alright. I retract my earlier post. Please, stay off the roads… it’s raining out there.

It seems that when they constructed this angelic little city they didn’t account for the prospect of rain. Due to what I can only assume was poor planning and sub-par construction – the streets are hell when wet. The arc of the pavement sends all of the water rushing to the sides where it piles up alongside the curb. Now, in Oregon, this would be where the drains come in. Not so in sunny LA. Because of excessive garbage or poor draining system, the water just builds up and creates giant pools. It’s like driving on a giant bowling alley with gutters full of rushing water. In intersections I was tempted to get out my suit and go for a swim – the cars looked like they were enjoying it. I now know why there are so many SUVs on the road. Ryan’s poor Protégé was in desperate need of stilts or galoshes. I’d say there were about 8 inches of standing water on average in the intersections. I pity the fool who stands on the side of the road when a car passes by. Tsunami.

Since I feel that somewhere along the line it became my duty to entertain you and I have fallen short once again - I offer this link which has not once, in the three years I have visited it, failed to make me laugh.

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Alright... this is neither humorous, entertaining, nor is it offensive to the ruler of the free world -but frankly, I'm just not inspired.

However, I did just get back from an awesome experience that I wanted to share. I went to a place called the "Hotel Cafe" in Hollywood. It's a hole in the wall place that costs $6 to get into. We went at 7:30 and were the second group of people there... so we got the table right in front. RIGHT IN FRONT. I was five feet away from Joshua Radin when he performed. Five feet from him and only cost me $6. I love LA.

If you don't know who he is... then you should go to www.joshuaradin.com. He's not famous yet, although his song played on an episode of Scrubs and is on the soundtrack of the new (and very good) movie Garden State. He will be famous soon, I betcha. Go to his website and click on 'media' on the left-hand side. Listen to his song "Winter." It's beautiful acoustic stuff. I highly recommend it.

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