Dear Vaughn,

I don't quite know how to say this. Only one other time in my life have I written a note like this. I was in the sixth grade and I biked to his house, dropped it on the porch and furiously biked away... but that's neither here nor there.

There really is no easy way to say this, so I'll be painfully blunt: I'm breaking up with you.

This is sudden and unexpected, I realize. I do wish things would have worked out between us. They would have, too. That's what makes this so hard. You and I were so good together -- it would have been a lifelong relationship. You, with your green-eyed hotness, feeding me grapes and fanning me as I watch old episodes of Alias. We could have stayed like that forever...

...but with the end of the series came a hole in my heart. A gaping emptiness that needed to be filled -- a feeling that your eye-candy alone would not quell. And so, I looked elsewhere.

That's when I found Stargate: Atlantis. I know, I know -- how cruel and uncharacteristic of me to turn to the SciFi channel! I didn't mean to do it, I swear to you! I don't even know which channel number on cable it is -- but the DVDs were there and I was aching! I popped one in and I lost control.

I know you're thinking that it doesn't have to end things between us -- that you can feed me grapes while I watch Atlantis... but... unfortunately, that's not the end of my betrayal.

I've met someone else. His name is John and he's an Airforce pilot with the spikey hair of a 12 year old boy and a nasty habit of going against orders. I won't sit here gush about him, to you of all people -- I know how this must hurt you. But -- he's made me realize that you and I were just fooling ourselves into believing that life couldn't get any better. It can.

And it will for you, too.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Love (but not as much as before because I have to save the majority of it for my Shep),
Allie

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I think the person who came up with 'click it or ticket' really had something. It's catchy and to the point. Not that it makes me put my seatbelt on... but I'm sure people less stubborn/lazy than myself have been swayed by the existence of this sign on the side of the road.

Obviously, this creative mind was on vacation when the deadline for the litter campaign came around. 'Litter and it will hurt.' ... whuh? Wth? It will hurt? Is that supposed to imply physical harm? Images of a sign uprooting itself and whacking people upside the head come to mind. A firing squad aiming at a line-up of civilians shouting and pleading, "It was only an apple core! It's biodegradable!"

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It’s over… /sniff. Alias is over.

[a moment of silence]

The finale is creating quite a stir in the fandom, and I have to admit I’m pretty much torn. I can’t really put my head around it, I guess… it just seems like a slipshod and hectic way of ending something that had been building for five years – probably because they didn’t know until very late that it was ending at all.

For my own sanity, and to go over this with Lauren – because I know no one else that would read this really gives a hoot – I will delve into the madness that was [drumroll] THE END OF ALIAS.

My initial reaction was, “Aww, how sweet… but they didn’t answer anything!” Don’t get me wrong, if I had to have either answers or Syd/Vaughn shipperness I’d go with the shipperness. So I’m greatful to JJ and the crew for bringing my man back from the dead and giving him a nice little happy ending – I really am. Maybe it’s too much to ask for a little resolution to the plot as well.

Throughout the five seasons of Alias, the writers left themselves with many loose ends to tie up. Each finale we expected answers, and rarely did we get them. It seemed that these plot contrivances were created for convenience and discarded when they no longer had a use, instead of tying them up and moving on. Most of these things were Rambaldi. The only way I have found to make sense of all these problems, like the harvesting of the eggs, is to chalk it up to misinterpretation. I read a post on the forums where the viewer suggested that Rambaldi had always been a mystery, and that the only thing people knew for certain was that he had visions of the future and could create weapons of destruction. So, naturally, those who strove for power and glory attempted to unravel Rambaldi and find a way to harness his creations themselves. So, along the way, people tried to interpret his writings and inventions and made some missteps. Which helps me to believe this: Sydney wasn’t the chosen one. She was “this woman here depicted” but it never really said she was the chosen one. Sloane was the chosen one. (Wrap your head around that.) Sloane and Nadia fought and only one survived. The only thing Sydney did was bring the greatest power unto utter desolation… destroying Irina and the formula for immortality (which was the greatest power?).

So, if we look at it like that, a few more ends are tied and a little bit more makes sense. There are still some things that irk me, however. Like them saying that Sydney lived with Sloane and Emily when she was younger. Um, hello… if they would have kept the same writers throughout the five seasons (or, heaven forbid, made your new writers watch the first two seasons) they would have known that at Emily’s funeral Sydney says something along the lines of “I first met Emily shortly after starting work at Credit Dauphine.” I can try really hard to pretend that Sydney just blocked out that part of her life because it was so damn traumatic… but really? They dropped the ball.

Characterization.

Sydney and Vaughn. Both these characters I felt stayed true to their past behavior. I had no complaints.

Jack. I know people are very, very upset that Jack had to die, but really – he died nobly. He died protecting Sydney from the life he failed to protect her from when she was growing up. It was really very poetic and I was proud of Jack to the end. The only problem… did he really have to die to blow that charge? I mean, did he have to be holding it in his hands? Couldn’t he have thrown it down the hole and detonated it from the top?

Sloane. Sloane was completely in character to the end. The man had always loved the people closest to him, but Rambaldi most of all. In the end, his thirst for immortality and the Rambaldi endgame forced him to make difficult choices and prioritize. Just like he did with Nadia… he picked power over Sydney.

Irina. Yeah, I’ll admit… I’m upset about them making Irina evil. In season two there was all of this mother/daughter stuff that lead the viewers to believe that Irina had a heart somewhere in that chest of hers, and that, though she strove for ultimate power, she would always find a way to put Sydney first. I have a very hard time believing she’d take a cord to her daughter’s neck and try to strangle her. But maybe, as one viewer posted on the boards, this just proves how good Irina really was. She was a master of deception… we all know that. I guess you have to think of those moments where we saw her “good side” come through as times when she was just putting on an act… and successfully misleading the audience, as well as Sydney. And, for her part, she did try to have both. She tried to let Syd have her baby and a family… but that was contingent on Sydney letting her go. Which, of course, she couldn’t.

Sark. I’ll admit… when Vaughn was holding the gun to Sark I thought, “don’t kill him! Please don’t kill him!” I like Sark as a villain. I think in these two episodes he developed a little more of a conscience than he had in the past… but it worked. He was excellent comic relief (“Does it have to be so filthy? If Rambaldi could prophesy the future, he might have advised me not wear 500-dollar shoes” and a sort of comfort to those of us who still cling to the first two seasons. And can I say, the bit in the end about him being behind the next operation… the part where Syd says to Vaughn, “Don’t look at me. You’re the one who let him go.” Crack me up!

Dixon, Marshall… both very in character, and like Sark, a bit of a comfort in these our final hours. I loved that they brought Carrie in. Though she had a relatively small roll in the series she was an integral part and wonderfully captured by the actress. Nice touch.

Francie. Um, pathetic excuse for a “guest star” spot… she was only on screen for all of 15 seconds in a lame (and completely unnecessary) flashback. I wasn’t expecting you to bring her back from the dead, but…wth?

Having said all this, I look back and… maybe I have come to terms with the end of Alias. I admit, I wept like a baby. Or, you know, flipped out and sobbed for a good half hour. It’s sad to see something I’ve invested so much passion into go come to a conclusion. (Even if it is a TV show and all of you who are reading this… if you’re still reading… think I’m certifiably crazy. To those people I say, “go read the boards and see that I’m one of the more sane ones.”)

I have but one complaint that I cannot quietly put away:

WHERE THE HELL WAS WEISS?

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That's right. Vaughn is alive. The show is dead, but he's back! And that, my dear readers, is all that matters. Tune in next Wednesday where he may even have more than 3 seconds of screen time! /giddy

This may come as a shock to you... but I think I get unhealthily attached to fictional characters. I've got this problem where I start watching (or - heaven forbid - reading) a series and it's like I develop a personal relationship with the faux-people.

It's not that I'm a huge TV person, or a big bookworm... it's just that I attach myself to a character and I MUST be a part of their life. The Stephanie Plum Series, the Elvis Cole series -- those books are deadly. I start reading and I can't stop. Ever. And then I read the series again and again. Just try pulling the book from my weary hands at 4 in the morning -- it's just about as hard as trying to get me to read something new.

The best thing to happen to me? DVD box sets of TV series. It's like my personal drug. You can pick a show... and watch the entire thing from start to finish. No pesky commercials... no silly reruns! I don't like my drugs diluted! Just give it to me straight!

Current addiction: Firefly. Why on earth did they cancel this show? It was brilliant. You must all go rent it (only 14 episodes) and then watch the movie (Serenity). Oh, but you'll have to imagine that they get together in the end. CAUSE THAT'S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN! I know these characters. That is what would happen!

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True story from a day in the life of Ryan.

Mike is the bartender at the restaurant where Ryan works -- and they're not really friends. Not at all. So, Ryan was a bit surprised when Mike came up to him:

Mike: Hey dude... when was the last time you smoked pot?
Ryan: Um... I, uh... I tried it once in college. Didn't sit well.
Mike: You taking any heavy meds?
Ryan: Er... I'm taking Nyquil.
Mike: Perfect. Dude, you could totally help me out.
Ryan: Um. What's going on?
Mike: Dude. I need some pee.
Ryan: Oh. Um. You have to take a test for work?
Mike: No, bro. I got this custody thing for my fuckin kids.
Ryan: Ah.
Mike: I need some piss by Wednesday. [Mike whips out a water bottle] Think you could take a little pee?
Ryan: [Lying through his teeth] Oh, man. Very unfortunate, but I just relieved myself about 15 minutes ago.
Mike: No way, man. That sucks.
Ryan: Yeah.
Mike: I need it by Wednesday, dude. And I see you're not on the schedule. Can you come in and do it tomorrow?
Ryan: Oh, well, I don't know. I've got lots to do tomorrow.
Mike: Man, this sucks. I asked Sean and he said he wouldn't even do it for his best friend. What kind of bullshit is that, man.
Ryan: That's rough.
Mike: Totally. So are you going to be able to make it in?
Ryan: No, dude. Sorry.
Mike: Alright, dude, well I'll call you tomorrow around noon and see if you can come in. I need some piss by Wednesday.
Ryan: ...

Poor Ryan first thought he was being hit up for a drug deal of some sort and it turns out he's wanted for his cleanliness and ability to urinate.

I told him to take the halo off his head before going into work.

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/rawr...

For updates on the nuptials tune in to:

www.ryanandallie.blogspot.com

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