Consumer

So I was in the mood for ice cream last night, and I found that all we had was vanilla. Which, under normal circumstances, would be fine. Normal circumstances, of course, meaning that there was chocolate sauce in the fridge. These, however, were not normal circumstances. I’m not one for eating plain vanilla. Something about it just doesn’t sit well with me. I think it might have something to do with my childhood – but I’d rather not get into that. Anyway, here I sit, vanilla ice cream in one hand, and in the other, the refrigerator door. Inside the fridge I find… get ready for it… nothing. Nothing except eggplants, other random veggies, some cheese and Pepsi. Not being a fan of eggplants and not even remotely curious why they haven’t marketed cheese flavored ice cream, I opt for the Pepsi. I create a Pepsi float. I will never create such a monstrosity again. Gag me with a wooden spoon. The stuff was putrid. So bad, in fact, that I think I may now have an aversion for the cola itself.

I think something is seriously wrong with me. I mean, I’ve had inklings for a while now, but I have just recently started to come to terms with it – and to talk about it. Here’s the thing… I only like fast food burgers. Specifically, Burger King and McDonalds. The smaller and smushier they are, the better they taste. I can’t have homemade hamburgers… I just can’t. I try and try. I get them hot off the grill and prepare them just how I like them. If I’m lucky, I’ll take a bite or too. Lately, I don’t even have a bite. Why do I even bother making them? Because I like burgers! I order them at fast food places, and I enjoy them. But when they’re not from the microwave I just can’t stomach them. We went to In and Out the other day and Matt was saying how great the burgers are – how fresh and unlike fast food. He was right, and I couldn’t eat it. I prefer the cheap, crappy, probably made out of rat-parts variety. Am I a product of society? Are all kids my age like this? Is Burger King open this late? I’m getting hungry.

The world has hit an all time low… televisions in supermarkets. That’s right – no longer do you have to be bored while waiting in line at the grocery store! Flat screen monitors will keep you entertained. Don’t open those magazines, just open your eyes and look at the blaring images coming from the checkout stand! Comedians make jokes about food, television chefs teach you how to sharpen knives, magazines tell you what’s in their latest issue and you even get a few recipes! Is this really necessary? Wouldn’t it just be easier to put a bullet in my head?