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Allie: I want to blog, but I've got nothing to say.
Ryan: Then don't blog.
Allie: How utterly predictable.
Ryan: Ass.
Allie: No cussing. Children might be reading.
Ryan: I can see it now - children pushing each other out of the way, running from the playground in a mad rush to read your blog.
Allie: Ass.
Ryan: Ah, ah, ah... the kiddies.
Allie: My bad. So, anyway...
Ryan: Let me guess. You want to blog.
Allie: Am I that transparent?
Ryan: Like butta'. Wait. That's not transparent.
Allie: I find this conversation far from entertaining. What do I pay you for again?
Ryan: Shh... the grandparents.
Allie: Alright, alright. So tell my dear viewers your news.
Ryan: I'm a woman.
Allie: They already knew that. Tell them your other news.
Ryan: You mean *gasp* the auditions?
Allie: Well, yes. I mean the auditions. Though I could have done without the sarcasm. Waiter, bring me a martini.
Waiter: Right away, Ma'am.
Allie: Excuse me?
Waiter: Miss. Right away miss.
[exit waiter]
Allie: No tip for him.
Ryan: You weren't going to tip him anyway.
Allie: Alcohol is obscenely expensive. I can't afford to tip as well.
Ryan: Says the woman applying for unpaid internships.
[enter waiter]
Waiter: Here's your drink.
Allie: Gracias, muchacho.
[exit waiter]
Ryan: He didn't look Spanish to me.
Allie: What, like 'gracias' isn't universally accepted as 'thanks'?
Ryan: Damn.
Allie: Oh my god.
Ryan: What?
Allie: Don't look now...
[Ryan immediately looks]
Allie: I told you not to look!
Ryan: That's like the first rule of the jungle.
Allie: What?
Ryan: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. You'll just die in the jungle alone.
Allie: No, I don't think I will.
[enter Michael Vartan]
Vartan: Is this seat taken?
Allie: No. *Drool* No, it's not.
Ryan: Excuse me? I'm in the chair. Hello???
[Vartan knocks Ryan off the chair with nary a flick of his wrist.]
Vartan: Did you hear something?
Allie: No, sir. I did not hear a thing.
Ryan: *Squeak*
Vartan: I saw you from afar and was wondering if you would do me a favor.
Allie: Anything. Of course. Yes, I'd love to. Sure. Yup. Uh huh.
Vartan: Jennifer Garner contracted some disease from Ben Affleck. They're recasting the lead role of Alias. Would you consider taking the part?
Allie: *Squeak*
Vartan: Oh, and would you like to go out with me sometime?
[Allie falls off chair as Ryan recovers and takes her now vacant seat]
Ryan: So, do you think Affleck is available again?
Vartan: Sure. I'm pretty sure she dumped him. Moved on to her costar from 13 Going on 30.
Ryan: Score. I love pink diamonds.
Vartan: Whatever you say, buddy. Hey, I've got to go do a photo shoot. Can you give that lovely vixen this number?
Ryan: Sure.
[exit Vartan]
[Allie recovers and takes a seat at the table]
Allie: Was it a dream?
[Ryan pockets the number]
Ryan: Yes, yes it was.
Allie: Damn.
Ryan: So...
Allie: So...
Ryan: How was your day?
Allie: Fine. Yours?
Ryan: Fine.
*Silence*
Ryan: I think this conversation is deteriorating.
Allie: Alright, then let's end it. But we have to end with something really, really funny.
Ryan: So there are these two muffins in an oven...