Crap. I'm gonna have to come up with titles every day.

Day five is coming to a close, and still no job for the alliemeister. That's right. I know you all were expecting me to be employed by now, but it looks like that ain't gonna happen. I have been reading the classifieds, monster.com, craigslist.com and careerbuilder.com and I can safely say that there are no jobs out there. Perhaps it would be helpful if I knew what type of job I'm looking for. Then again, it probably wouldn't. There was an add for a phone sex hotline. That sounds promising.

This morning I decided I would look into becoming an extra for a little cash. After a bit of research I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the ideal extra candidate. I don't own my own santa suit, I've got all my fingers and I haven't any idea how to play water-polo. I printed off the form you fill out to become an extra and the only box I could possibly check would be 'can play billiards.' Then I think to myself, who am I kidding? I suck at pool! Oye. Maybe I should learn how to impersonate Elvis.

Stopped by an open house today. It was the ugliest freaking house I have seen in quite some time. Seriously, not even remotely appealing. And this place was not very big, either. AND IT WAS $730,000. Ya. Like hell I'd pay for that dump, let alone pay that amount. Oh wait, they'll throw in the giant tank full of creepy looking and abnormally large fish at no extra cost... maybe I should consider it.

The real estate agent was a little on the kooky side. She was gaunt looking, with red frizzy/curly hair that reminded me of carrot-top. The woman was wearing some black and gold pant-suit that looked like it was from the early eighties. She was toting around a three year old girl in a rainbow jumper. As we were leaving the girl started kicking the agent in the stomach. Hard. And the agent was acting like nothing was happening. Like we couldn't see and hear the whole thing taking place. Oh sure, if you don't acknowledge it we won't know what's happening. That works. Then as we walked out the door I hear the lady start repeating "muah!" And then after about three times the little girl joins in. Is it customary for real estate agents and their tie-dye clad children to send air kisses to departing strangers? Just wondering.

Sorry, no pearls of wisdom or celebrity sightings in this edition. Perhaps next time.