Cael can now balance pretty well. He generally needs at least one hand on something to keep from toppling, but he can hang in there a long time. Without any support he can manage about five seconds before falling (on a good try). Also, if you hold onto his hands he'll take big, prancing high-steps and lead you where he wants to go (usually to the room where Ryan is trying to study). He's most enthralled with his new ability...

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Today Cael got to put his favorite skill to good use. After months of shoving things into his mouth (his hands, his toys, my face, Clio's ear), he finally stuffed something in there that was actually intended to be consumed. I erroneously thought that he couldn't make a mess with a slice of bread. I didn't even put a bib on him. Rookie mistake. Turns out that if you combine bread with the quantity...

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On the day Obama was elected president, Cael's first tooth broke through. In my house there was both cheering and screaming. America, I almost forgive you for Bush. Almo...

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I've mentioned before that I have trouble falling asleep. In the past year, however, this has not been a problem.Pregnancy was pretty effective at tuckering me out. When I wasn't up going to the bathroom, or being kicked awake by the fetus, I was solidly asleep.The screaming infant in the next room did an even better job of ensuring that my head-on-pillow time was not wasted. If he quieted down...

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"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: I want the wipes WARM, dang it. How would you feel if someone put an ice cube in your diaper?!...

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"Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own...

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I figured out how to get Cael to eat cereal. Simply put something - besides the spoon full of cereal - in front of his face. He will instinctively lean toward it with his mouth open. Intercept with spoon! Voi...

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It's fascinating. This little fella will put everything in his mouth. Unless he's sleeping, there's a 99% chance that there is something in there. Usually, it's his hands. He jams those puppies so far into his gob he chokes himself. When he gets his diaper changed, he nibbles on his toes. He gnaws on my fingers, my arms. On more than one occasion, he's tried to eat Clio's ear. Every single...

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Before:Aft...

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I read this terrible, terrible series of books that posited that if you are skilled at something in life, should you be turned into a vampire that skill would become a superpower.If I were a vampire? My power would be Baby Hearing. Of course, I would have all eternity to come up with a better name than that for it, but you get the general idea.I will wake from a dead sleep if Cael loses his pacifier...

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Cael had poop coming out his sleeves.And these are the "leak free" diapers. A likely sto...

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Okay, Giuliani. If you want to look at the candidates' resumes, you have to look at the entire thing. After all, who would hire someone for such an important job without looking at educational background?--Obama:Occidental College - Two years.Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude& Biden:University...

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We have this neighbor - let us call him Spike. Apparently an expert in all things garden and house maintenance, Spike takes it upon himself to teach Ryan how to better take care of our home. Or, perhaps "teach" is the wrong word. It's more like he leans over the fence and verbally bashes Ryan's gardening approach, criticizing every little thing Ryan does in our yard. From raking leaves to removing...

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Rumor has it some of you play the other video on a loop. He doesn't do too much more in this one, but I'm sure I can find some footage of him drooling if you're looking for variety. Notice the shirt? Today he moved on to his 6 month clothes. He has grown from his "Mommy Loves Me" onesie to a new and more possessive "Property of Mom FOREVER." His 9 month shirt reads, "I LOVE MY MOM AND NO ONE...

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My hopes have been shattered. Instead of the fist sucking turning into thumb sucking, it has turned into dual fist-sucking. I'm wondering if he's going to be able to stick his whole arm in there at some poi...

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Cael had his 4-month appointment this week. Here's the percentile breakdown: Height: 50% Weight: 60% Head: 75% So next time someone tells me how uncommonly chubby my baby is (which, if history is any indication, will be the next time he is seen by anyone on the planet) I will respond with: "Yeah, he's a little thick around the thighs, but if you want to see big - check out his noggin. Talk about...

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I never thought I'd see the day when I'd miss Workout-Video-Tony telling me, "Suck it up. This is 3-4!" Woe, that day has come. The Wii Fit is a bully. Our unhealthy relationship began when the Wii labeled me as a 40-year-old with, according to my avatar, an aching back. All you over forty can be offended by it calling 40-year-olds decrepit and I can be offended because I'm only 26 OMG! (Yeah,...

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I knew the terminator would come while I was working out. Knew it. (And yes, I refuse to stop calling him the terminator. Terminix + exterminator = terminator. If they didn't want that nickname they should have had the foresight to name themselves Flernimix or something. Flerminator wouldn't be so tempting.)Once a month the guy comes and sprays around the house to keep away the spiders (ew! spiders!)...

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That was short-lived. Cael is no longer my workout buddy. Why? His Upward Dog is way better than mine is and he doesn't even break a sweat. Bastage! Also? He doesn't cheer me on anymore. Doesn't even bother to look at me. Now he spends the whole cardio section watching the dvd. Sure, they're all muscly and pretty, but they're two-dimensional! Your giggling won't encourage them (nor will cursing discourage them - I've...

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Cael wanted to say "hello" to everyone. How could I deny him such a simple request? (He's a little bashfu...

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Today I let Cael do his tummy time during my workout. I figure if I'm working on mine, he may as well work on his. I think this should be a regular occurrence. It turns out the two are not that different. During Power Yoga he and I were actually doing the same exact thing: flopping around on our stomachs like beached whales while grunting and trying desperately not to cry. It's nice to have someone to sympathize with. He's...

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Today at the grocery store -Checkout Guy: [Holds up nursing pads.] So, you've got a new baby, huh?Me: [Points to baby in cart.] Yup.CG: [Looks.] How old is he?Me: Three months.CG: Really?Me: No.CG: [Blinks.]Me: Yes.CG: Whoa. He's huge!Me: Yeah, he's growing up fast.CG: No, I mean he's big. Like he's going to have to play football.Me: I hope not. That's how his father died.CG: Really?Me: Yes.CG: [Blinks.]Me:...

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This is when I get to be validated and say to Ryan, "SEE! Now you can't give me shit for not going to the doctor. EVAR."I have this thing about actually seeking medical attention. It's hereditary. Mom and Lauren have it as well, which has actually lead to (what the medical professional she was eventually forced to visit called) being three days away from death. Whatever. She lived.Every time I go...

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Let me preface this with a fun fact: Cael has reached the stage in his development when he only poos once a week. The quantity of poo per week has not decreased with the frequency, if you get my drift. Picture this: Ryan and I parked in the Costco lot. Miles of blacktop make the already 90+ degree day even hotter. The car is literally filled to capacity. We cannot see out the back window and could...

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Cael can now spin around on his back. I haven't caught him in the act, but I assume he looks much like Donald O'Connor did in Singing in the Rain. I put him down in his playpen and come back to find him all cockeyed, a trail of drool marking his path like breadcrumbs, should he choose to return to his original spot. (I can't imagine why he'd need to go back, but I suppose when you have such large volumes of urp, you may as well...

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I was given the most loveliest gift ever: the crack!star. The crack!star is a magical toy that plays music, flashes bright colors and, apparently, sends super-stealth mind waves straight to the brain of my baby boy that say: GIGGLE, DAMNIT. The crack!star looks like a happy face that's been rolling back prices in the Halloween aisle of Walmart, but don't let its clownish appearance fool you. This...

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Cael spends a good portion of his "happy time" licking and sucking his knuckles. Will this develop into thumb sucking once the digit in question becomes more opposable? Or am I doomed to have one of those boys that walks around asking, "Want to see me stick my whole fist in my mout...

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Living life in two hour chunks has got to go... especially when the in-laws live an hour an forty-five minute drive away. I have now nursed in three different cars, in a variety of parking lots (mostly fast food, but I also do gas stations and abandoned strip malls), on bleachers, on a picnic table and in six different towns off the I-5 corridor. As an eatery, I am more ubiquitous than McDonal...

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Cael is two months old...

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Cael is in his very fussy phase (please be a phase, please be a phase...), which leads to a lot of immobility on my part. When I finally manage to calm his hysterics, the last thing I want to do is move him. I handle him much like I would a live bomb - I use extreme caution so that I don't jostle him and trigger an explosion of life-threatening proportions. (Seriously. You should hear this kid wail.)...

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The books say that it's great to have your newborn room-in with you. For the first few months, instead of putting him in his own (snazzily painted and decorated and only kinda smells like dirty diapers) room, let the kiddo bunk in the master bedroom. It's great for connection, familial bonding, eternal love and avoiding that messy "teenage" phase. (Okay, those last two might just be wishful thinking on my part.) But, the experts...

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Ryan's paternity leave has ended and he's back to work. Cael and I are now officially on our own during the day. We've been awake for seven hours now. Things I have accomplished: Shower A load of laundry Things Cael has accomplished: 2 meals 2 naps Soiling half a dozen diapers Soiling 2 onesies Soiling my shirt Soiling my sheets Crying Staring into space Dancing "Running from bad guys" He let...

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You know that joke about breakfast? A day's work for the chicken and a lifetime commitment for the pig? It's supposed to make you feel bad for the pig - but I'm really starting to empathize with the chicken. Or, more appropriately, the dairy cow. I am a milk machine. Cael, at the ripe old age of 12 days, decided to go through a growth spurt. Instead of the already tedious hour long feedings every...

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It's official. I've reached the point in sleep deprivation where I've actually started hallucinating. For some reason, my body knows that I need to wake up throughout the night to feed him - so, like clockwork, I startle awake every three hours even if Cael is snoozing peacefully. For the past two nights, each time I have woken up I've been convinced that I fell asleep mid-feeding. I see the little...

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*yawns* I do not remember what sleep is. I'm pretty sure I used to enjoy it. It's all a blur now. Ryan and Cael, however, find time to indulge. I really wish the little one wouldn't sleep all day and scream all night. Somehow I think that I should be doing something besides letting him snooze during daylight, the little vampire. I can't bring myself to wake him now, however, since a) they're really cute and b) Ryan is still...

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In my continued effort to tell you things they don't tell you about pregnancy:When to go to the hospital:MYTH: When your contractions are five minutes apart, last for one minute each, and continue for an hour.FACT: When you cannot walk or speak through your contractions.Um, yeah. I had contractions for over 24 hours. They started about 7 minutes apart and were getting progressively more painful (but...

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The last two weekends I have been a productive little birdy. Some would say that suggests I've reached the (mythical) "nesting" phase of my pregnancy. Really? I think Ryan has reached his and I'm just ambivalent enough to trail reluctantly along behind him. During this fruitful window of Ryan's transition into fatherhood, I have accomplished a great deal of yard work. When I tell people this, I'm...

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They say that every woman comes to a point in pregnancy when she can't see her feet. Personally, I don't think seeing them is the problem.I can see them just fine – I can crane my neck to a certain angle and contort my upper body… or I can just look in the mirror. I'd never put on two different shoes and walk out the door, or even don a pair of mismatched socks. Instead, I've found that the true difficulty...

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So.I am an idiot.I (predictably) blame the fetus.Yesterday, I was stung by a bee. This resulted two things: a very lopsided gait and frequently having to respond to the question, “How the hell did you manage to find a bee in 30 degree weather?”Answer? Mad skillz. I was getting the nursery ready for painting and unrolled the giant drop cloth we keep in our garage, unleashing a ginormous yellow jacket....

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By this point, you all know that I have the willpower of a tiny, willpowerless thing. The wee fetus, however, is very powerful motivation to step it up a notch. I want so much to be a good oven. So I flexed, took a deep breath, bought some healthy cook books and I was ready!...I have not opened the cookbooks. I continue to eat ice cream, have on occasion avoided my required leafy greens, and (predictably)...

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