'Tis the season to be jolly -- and to get into a virtual fist fight with your virtual friends.Don't act surprised... and don't act like you're above it. I'm not the only person in the world who has a friend they've never met. Please. This is the 21st century. E-Friends are human too!And yes, like all relationships, you have your ups, your downs and your all-out-brawls.Last night my friend and...

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Um... totally disappointed in you people. I know you lurk. Where are your slang sentences? Hmm???Adam - dude. Appreciate the effort but your sentence made no sense. Nice work on the incorrect spelling though... that was right on.Ryan and I are headed back to Oregon for the holidays... and I'm afraid. Not of being home. Of the drive. I fear driving.I used to be a good driver - I swear I did....

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Odds are you already know the meanings of the basics – w00t, brb, wtg, stfu, afk – so we’ll cut to the lesser knowns. If there are any words out there that I don't touch on and you'd like defined... just let me know.ftwabbr. for the win.When something gives the winning edge.Famous quote: “Cold milk ftw.” – David Basultogahinterj.Used to express displeasure or disappointment.Famous qutoe: “Gah!”...

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Hmmm…mmm… Where are you, Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Why have you gone away-ay-ay? Where is the laughter you used to bring me? Why can’t I hear music play-ay-ay? My world is changing, I’m rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too? Where are you, Christmas? Do you remember The one you used to know? I’m not the same one, See what the time’s done. Is that why you have let...

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Okay folks... the time has come. It's your turn to entertain me!! Repay your faithful blogger (okay, okay -- so I've been MIA... but there was a time last year when I was entertaining, right?) by helping her decide her fate![/cue dramatic music]Here's the question: What should Allie be when she grows up??Please voice your thoughts! All suggestions welcome!Should Allie be a doctor? (Please no)A...

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Oh... my... god.... I'M ALIVE!!!Just thought I'd let you all know.Found my cell phone in the cubby today. I think it had been in there for somewhere around two weeks. Interestingly enough I only had two missed calls. I'll take that to mean that you all are aware of my phonephobia and don't want to put the effort into calling me when odds are I will hide under the bed until the ringing stops.Well,...

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Yeah, he's gone. And so's the show. Dead to me. They not only killed off Vaughn, they wrote off Weiss. Knocking off the romantic lead and the sidekick in the first two episodes? Who thought up that stunningly horrendous idea? JJ... I am ashamed to have touted your brilliance. Go back to Lost. I'm going to watch Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Maybe I'll watch a the Mamut a couple...

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Yup, that's right. There is a chance (some say it's more than a chance - it's a reality) that Michael Vaughn's character is killed off in the first half of the fifth season of that show that we call Alias. The MV Shipper world has erupted into a state of mass hysteria, and terrible things are happening. Not the least of which is that my favorite fanfic author has ceased writing (mid fic!) and will...

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I’m willing to guess that the ratio of stores to exhibits in Sea World leans largely in favor of stores. Each time you enter a darkened tunnel to survey the not-so-wild life you are motored through, told not to dawdle and promptly discarded in to the gift shop. And by “the” gift shop, I mean the penguin shop, the dolphin shop, the arctic shop, the Shamu shop, the shark shop. It is a 100% guarantee...

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I can’t sleep.My brain just won’t – turn off.And don’t get me wrong… I’m not claiming to be some super-genius whose brain won’t quit because I’m thinking of ways to alter the course of humanity. I’m just saying the damn thing won’t stop working long enough to give me a moment’s peace.I’ve always had trouble going to sleep. I would lie in bed for probably an hour or two every night when I was growing...

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As I lay awake in bed at 6am, I am accosted by the sounds of morning routine.Alarms beep faintly in the distance, only barely audible as the sounds echo on the courtyard walls.My neighbor slides open her closet door.A car honks to unlock.The garage gate screeches open.A lump forms in my throat as I thank whatever power has allowed me to remain in bed.I have a deeply rooted fear of actually becoming...

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Inhale.Splash.Exhale.Splish.The echo of the water as it slams into porcelain reaches her across the great expanse of mustard yellow. Each drop that lands chips away at her sanity.Perhaps if it were rhythmic she wouldn’t be so irritated.Inhale.Splash.Exhale.Splish splash splish.Inhale.Splash splish.Exhale.Inhale.Splash.Exhale.Water never seems to stop. She can think of nothing as tediously unrelenting...

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The following is an excerpt from Black Eyes of Boston, an article on MSN Entertainment about Bostonians who give the town a bad name:I've saved the worst for last. In the long and distinguished line of actors who have seen their careers crash and burn due to horrific role choices, Ben Affleck tops a list where the second-place finisher isn't even in the same solar system. At one time, he and his talented...

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This week on Alias – whoa baby. Two whole hours.* *Yah… more like a whole sixty minutes – but hey – that ain’t bad. OMG. Irina is ALIVE??? /gasp Yeah… we might have known that was gonna happen for oh – since we heard she was dead. But that’s okay, because it still rocks my socks. Lena Olin, you are a goddess. Nobody does it better. This woman is the mostest uberist in the world. Hullo…...

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“Twenty-seven five. Jesus Christ! Who cares about twenty-seven five? What happens at twenty-seven five doesn’t affect me.”--He sits parked across the street, staring blankly at her empty vehicle. He followed her there two hours ago, watched her get out, slip into the house and disappear.Maybe it’s her girlfriend’s house. Yeah, that’s it. Just two girls in there, sipping on margaritas and talking...

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[Allie and Ryan are sitting at their respective computers… not two feet apart… and rather than speaking to each other –they’re typing] Ryan: man this tool is totally spamming ooc Allie: ya no kidding. rtfm already Ryan no joke Ryan: OMG Allie: what? Ryan: lol Allie: wassap Ryan: check out this toon. Allie: brt Ryan: hurry up. Allie: bite mah. i’m omw. Ryan: bah Allie: kk which one?...

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It’s official. Clio is not a threat to national security. At least for the next 29 days. /Sigh of relief. I know you were all worried. In order to take your pet across state lines by plane, you need to have a signed health certificate by order of Homeland Security. Just to make sure she isn’t packing distemper. Biological warfare is frowned upon. We actually had the pleasure of two pet visits...

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Over the course of this commercial, I’ve come to be chummy with the guard in the booth of the Anonymous Content parking lot.Guard, whose name I really ought to have learned, is probably fifty or so, extremely skinny and harsh looking with a long ponytail, a baseball cap, a Slavic accent and a side of sass. (Please note that by Slavic, I really mean that it is foreign but not Spanish, French or Italian....

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For the last week or so, I’ve been working as a production assistant for the art department on a Toyota commercial. The job – well it’s not one I would put down on my list of life experiences I’ve enjoyed.There are few daily tasks in life that I don’t relish. The first is, of course, waking up. We’ll come back to that.The second is showering. I don’t know why, but I’ve never been a big fan. I...

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As I was creeping my way along the 405 in this morning's rush hour, my mind began to drift. I absently gazed at the truck in front of me and I was hit with an uncontrollable desire to right click on it and select 'follow'.With autofollow on, driving would be so much more enjoyable. The invisible tether that bound myself and the truck would lead me along the freeway with no effort on my part. I...

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FISHBOY FOUND IN SAN FRANCISCO TOWN SQUARE!Officials refuse to confirm the existence of what can only be described as part-man, part-fish, all-freak. Several eye and nose-witnesses report seeing this creature roaming the Ghiradelli Square, looking for chocolate. AllieInLaLaLand reporter Snark Squikerson managed to track down these witnesses and hear their tales.It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! There was a definite...

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Here are some pictures of our snazzy new apartment!(Fancy, no?)(Look... we even have a barbeque! Woot!)(Nice Ikea space saving device on the wall...)(I included this picture only because you all need to see the wicked cool cherry contact paper that I smothered the cupboards in)Isn't it beautiful? I'm totally pumped - and would like to take this opportunity to thank my Mom, Dad and Uncle Matt for the assistance in creating this...

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Here’s the deal. I have a little problem, and I’m unsure of the proper course of action. I figured I’d poll the audience.So, my neighbors… are bunnies. Rabidly humping bunnies. This would not necessarily be a problem for me, were she not a screamer. And by screamer I mean that she emits the kind of cry you were sure was reserved for life and death situations or hard-core porn.[Example]Woman:...

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It’s raining. And I’m not talking Oregon rain. None of the good stuff… the light sprinkles and random downpours that make you feel like Gene Kelly. Oh no. This is LA rain. This is the kind of rain that happens when the sky opens up and hawks up the biggest loogie you could ever conceive, and continues to do so for days on end. The drops are the size of golf balls. You can’t stand outside for two seconds without drenching...

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Recipe for Disaster:1 Brand-spankin’ new laptop1 cup chilled apple ciderA dash of stupidityA pinch of clumsinessMake sure cup of cider is filled to the brim in order to produce maximum damage. Place cup on desk between mouse and laptop. Add stupidity. Add clumsiness.If successful, your disaster should include:Immediate loss of power, complete with satisfying hissThe grip of fear with a chokehold...

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So I just tried to eat my own finger. Not on purpose, mind you – so perhaps ‘tried’ is the wrong word. I came close to eating my finger. I was chowing down on fast food (because the only way to consume fast food is to ‘chow’), furiously stuffing fries into my gaping maw when I felt a sharp pain and my teeth bounced back. I wonder, in retrospect, why I felt the need to jam my index finger a good...

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It is Wednesday and I am sad. You might wonder how it is possible for these two words to be in the same sentence. Wednesday? Sad? NO! Yes. Alias does not air today. I waited four extra months for this season to air, and in return I, Allison Jane Saucy (the first), was PROMISED an episode EVERY WEEK. Wuzzup wit dis? Here, I will sum up Bush's State of the Union without even seeing it. "Mah...

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Apparently Loren told some producer that I had the hots for Ben Affleck. So, yeah. HOW FREAKING FUNNY IS THIS??Yes, Ben. I lurve you so. I'm desperately jealous! That body hair is just SO hot! I change my mind - Jennifer Garner hasn't gone crazy... you're totally desirable. I want to have your love child too!I wonder what would happen if Loren told someone I was madly in love with Michael Vartan? *Sigh* One of these days...

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So did you all watch Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) on Jay Leno way back when? If you did, you recall that he mentioned moving to LA. When he told his Mormon mother that was his plan she warned, “You be careful. That’s where Satan resides.” So, I had this boss. Well, my boss had this boss, I suppose… but I took direct orders from her, so for all intents and purposes, she was my boss. To preserve...

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*R.I.P.*Inspy the InspironShe was loved and fingered dailyWe come together today to mourn the loss of a dear friend, companion and … well, that’s pretty much it. She was a hard worker and a reliable source of facts, fiction, fun and pharmaceutical refills (close enough). I loved her. I loved her with every bone in my body – especially the phalanges. She stuck with me through my weekly reviews,...

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I assume all of you watched the season premiere of Alias and are now, if you weren’t already, huge Alias fans. *Cheers and applause* I will now go into my review of the show, since we can discuss this as intellectually stimulated individuals. I’ll admit I was a little nervous at first – the beginning wasn’t as great as I had expected. I’ve seen better fights, and there’s been more suspense at a...

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