On the day Obama was elected president, Cael's first tooth broke through.

In my house there was both cheering and screaming.

America, I almost forgive you for Bush. Almost.

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"Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, 'He's a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists.' This is not the way we should be doing it in America."

Colin Powell, part of his endorsement of Senator Obama. October 19, 2008.

Because more disturbing than the fact that it's a lie is the fact that it's being used as an insult, an obscenity. Being Muslim isn't a crime, it isn't un-American. There's nothing, nothing wrong or negative about it. Muslim-Americans pay taxes just like you and me - they go to school, go to work, raise families. They fight for this country, die for this country, just the same as Christians, Catholics or Jews. By using Muslim as an insult, these people are not hurting Obama, they are hurting the country - a country that claims to celebrate freedom, diversity and equality but, in practice, appears to do none of these things.

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Okay, Giuliani. If you want to look at the candidates' resumes, you have to look at the entire thing. After all, who would hire someone for such an important job without looking at educational background?

--

Obama:
Occidental College - Two years.
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

& Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 of 899

& Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

--

The crowd laughed at "community organizer." I imagine they would have absolutely bust a gut at 894/899. Now that's comedy.

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It is Wednesday and I am sad.

You might wonder how it is possible for these two words to be in the same sentence. Wednesday? Sad? NO!

Yes.

Alias does not air today. I waited four extra months for this season to air, and in return I, Allison Jane Saucy (the first), was PROMISED an episode EVERY WEEK. Wuzzup wit dis?

Here, I will sum up Bush's State of the Union without even seeing it.

"Mah fella amercanz. Mah nayme iz Georguh Dublya tree. Ah meyan Bush. Dayum. Tricky fole-ee-age. *Clears throat* I aym thuh prezdent. Now put Alias back awn. That Jack fella is hawt... ah meyan... down with homosexuahls."

Now let's watch Nocturne. I think Vaughn is going to admit that he LURVES her! Woot. (Okay, maybe not, but a girl can dream - can't she?)

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Allie: Do you ever wonder about bananas?
Ryan: All the time.
Allie: I mean, they’re so easy to peel. The perfect outside protecting the mushy inside. Edible completely separate from the inedible.
Ryan: Why does that confuse you?
Allie: It just doesn’t make sense. And how does that benefit the banana in any way? It’s not like it can peel itself to spread its seed.
Ryan: That sort of thing doesn’t really bother me.
Allie: It doesn’t bother you?
Ryan: It’s a matter of convenience.
Allie: How is that convenient for the fruit itself?
Ryan: You damn evolutionist, you.
Allie: Are you telling me that you believe the banana is so easily peelable because that’s the way God made it?
Ryan: Yup. He wanted to make it easy to eat.
Allie: Oye.
Ryan: That’s why he didn’t make chickens come plucked and pre-cooked. Because we weren’t supposed to eat animals.
Allie: Oh no. You’re telling me that not only are you religious, but you’re also a vegetarian?
Ryan: No.
Allie: Wait, but I though we weren’t supposed to eat animals.
Ryan: That was before Eve ate the apple. We’re clear now.
Allie: Okay, granted, I don’t know the story that well… but I feel like I would have heard the part where God told “Eve” that she could chow down on her furry friends.
Ryan: The bible doesn’t go in depth so much when it comes to the progression of eating. But they didn’t eat animals before the apple, and they did after.
Allie: How do you know that? Does it say that somewhere?
Ryan: God told me.
Allie: Did he speak through George W? Because I must say, I don’t think he’s as much of a direct conduit as he claims.
Ryan: If he is a conduit, someone needs to talk to God about raising his standards.
Allie: And why don’t we talk to America about that while we’re at it.
Ryan: I’m on it. Can I finish my beefstick now?
Allie: Go ahead, my child. Go ahead.

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You’ve got to be shitting me. This is the epitome of patheti-lame. I am seriously feeling nauseous. To 50-odd percent of America I’ve just got to ask – what the hell were you thinking? Take off your blinders and remove your earplugs. The man is an undisputed idiot. And he thinks God talks through him? Well, let me just say I don’t know a thing about God but I would certainly hope that he or she would know how to speak English, Spanish, French, Azeri... an actual freaking language instead of the garbly goop this numps spews. What a dolt. Stupid piece of… HOW COULD YOU VOTE FOR HIM???

And let me talk just a minute about the fact that eleven states (including Oregon) passed a measure that writes discrimination and hatred into the constitution. The fact that we even vote on this bullshit is pure and utter insanity. What infringement on your rightwing religious elitist lives is it for homosexuals to marry? People make me sick! How is it possible in this day and age that we can’t allow everyone the basic decency of human rights? WTF is your problem??? I… ugh… grr… ahhhhhh!!!

I don’t know what incenses me more – that people in this country are so incredibly blind and stupid or that they are narrow-minded bigots.

I can’t even talk anymore. I’ll let others talk for me.

“I hate dumbasses.” -Lauren

“I don’t want to think about it, I’m so depressed.” -Matt

“I'm very f***ing pissed off at our stupid conservative f***ing nation and it's goddamned single mindedness and lunacy.” -Sean

“Where did all the smart people go? Did they move to Canada?” -Dad

“I’m going to throw up.” -Mom

Yeah, Mom, me too. I’ll use the supplied barf bag on my flight to Vienna. I’ve got to get out of this place.

I better wake up tomorrow and find that this got sorted out during the night.

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Ryan and I were driving to Kinko’s last night, unaware that it was “bad driver night” here in LA. Bring me your crazies, psychos and just plain oblivious masses… and put them behind the wheel. Holy buckets, we saw three very close calls in the five-minute drive to the photocopy superstore. So, when we parked and exited the car I was not surprised to be bombarded by the shrill honking of countless horns. As I walked to the front door, however, I was really starting to worry. I mean, this was the sound of a whole lot of horns… all honking repeatedly. So, I hesitantly went around the corner to peer at the crash site or the duck in the road – whatever had caused this cacophony. When my eyes finally fell upon the scene I actually bust up laughing and considered running back to Ryan’s car and joining in the honk-fest. Turns out there was a make-shift Kerry rally going on. The busy intersection teemed with Kerry fans asking to “Honk 4 Kerry” and “Honk for Change.” The more original participants were bearing signs like “Asses of Evil,” “Dubya, We’re Gonna Dump Ya,” and “4 More Wars.” My personal favorite – “Smush Bush!” Anyway, I snapped a few pictures, but they didn’t really come out. All I could salvage were a few signs… here’s one:



The highlight of the evening was when we left Kinko’s and turned the corner, away from the honking masses, and there was a little Pro-Bush group trying to out-yell the swarm of Kerry fans. There were probably ten of them, and they obviously did not come prepared. It looked as though they had uprooted lawn signs. No creativity. Tsk, tsk. Poor little kids were turning blue they were shouting so hard over the cheering and the honking. Almost felt sorry for them. Then I remembered that they were voting for BUSH.

Got a job today. Well, sort of. It got a job for November 13th. It’s a one-day gig… but I take what I can get and one-day is certainly better than no-day. So WOOO HOOO for me. And woo hoo for the fact that Matt and Patti’s neighbors own their own production company.

I bought a button online today. Don’t know when I became politically outspoken, but I guess some of this stuff just really gets my goat and I want people to know that I think some things are crappy. This is what the button has on it:



Turns out I’ve overused my left control key on my laptop. I learned this the hard way, of course. I’m an avid cut-and-paste person, so I use the ‘control c’ shortcut. For the third time in a row I ‘control c’d an entire paragraph and it turned into just a little ‘c’. In Word, this would not be a problem as I could ‘control z’ myself right out of it… but when in text boxes online – there is no ‘control z.’ This makes me not happy. I have been relegated to using my right control button. It’s really more trying than you think.

Oh, yeah – SMUSH BUSH.

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Since I don’t want to turn this into a political blog, and since I know little about politics… I’ll just focus on what’s important – the superficial. Dodge the hard issues and get to what really matters – George’s big fat mistakes. (On a personal note - I won't hate you if you like Bush. The question is, will you hate me?)

Was anyone else distracted by the large blob of spit that had accumulated and taken up residence in the right corner of Bush’s mouth? Dude. Someone needed to get him a towel or use sign language to communicate the word “slurp.” The man was having serious issues.

Umm… “Hello wardrobe department? Yes, this is George W. I’d like to get Kerry’s lucky tie for the third debate. Cool? Cool.” Yeah, Kerry wore the same tie to every debate and now Bush’s sporting its long lost cousin? Wuzzup wit dat, yo?

Allie’s Helpful Hints to Gee Double-Ya Bush:

1) Just because Kerry says you said something or did something that makes you look bad, you can’t deny it if it’s true. Yes, you own a timber company. Yes, you said you didn’t care where Osama was hiding. Learn your lesson.

2) The incredulous face really doesn’t work for ya. You know, the one were you look all constipated and open your mouth, thereby implying that what Kerry is saying is fictional? Not attractive, nor helpful to your cause.

3) Try not to rip on the credibility of the moderator. It’s a no-no to say that CBS is not a reliable informant when they bankroll Mr. Schieffer. And if you don’t think the major news sources are reliable, who is? Should I turn to georgebush.com for some unbiased facts?

Bush: "In all due respect, I'm not so sure it's credible to quote leading news organizations about -- oh, nevermind. Anyway, let me quote the Lewin report. The Lewin report is a group of folks who are not politically affiliated."

And CBS is being funded by Democrats? Yeah, nevermind is right.

4) That little red light? Yeah, that mean’s you’re DONE.

5) Don’t laugh out loud. You sound like the devil. Little children will run from you. I know I want to.

6) That pause you do – the one where you’re waiting for the audience to react? Yeah. Cut it. You’re not as funny as you think you are. No one is laughing, so don’t wait for it. It ain’t coming.
Example:

Schieffer: I would like to ask you: Who bears responsibility for this? Is it the government? Is it the insurance companies? Is it the lawyers? Is it the doctors? Is it the administration?
You: Gosh, I sure hope it’s not the administration.
[Mother of all silences ensues]

… see right there. You should have just kept on trucking. Maybe we wouldn’t have noticed that you were trying to make a joke.

7) Don’t refer to yourself as “George W.” I can refer to myself in the third person, but you – can’t. Not cool.

8) If you want to get the vote of the younger audience, don’t refer to them as youngsters.

9) Try and keep from contradicting yourself in the same speech. When you say that you will give jobs to Mexicans “as long as there is no American willing to take it” and then in the next breath say you don’t want them to “live in the shadows of society” you confuse me. Is that not in the shadow when they only get the reject jobs?

10) When they give you two minutes, try and take at least 20 seconds of it. Otherwise you look like you don’t know the answer. Perhaps you don’t?

11) Don’t pound on the podium. It doesn’t help your rabid monkey image.

12) Okay, now listen well – the scowl jokes are not funny. Instead of focusing all that energy into witty remarks about the hideous facial contortion, try just not making it.

13) Please, god… SLURP THAT STUFF UP.

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So, in my continued effort to increase my slothiness, I decided to try drugstore.com – rather than haul my ass to a Rite Aid. And let me just say, why did I not try this earlier??? This little site is a fabulous invention! Not only is my prescription $12 bucks cheaper a month (which will really add up) but it comes to me in the mail! I don’t even have to leave the house. Go, people! Flock to drugstore.com and join me in my fight for immobility!

I went to the Warner Brothers lot yesterday. Then, when I arrived home, Patti was watching Sex and the City – the one where Carrie goes on the WB lot. Coincidence? I think not. It obviously means that… uh… okay, maybe it was just a coincidence.

For the record, DVDs are incredibly inexpensive if you buy them straight from the studio. All of the studio’s shows can be purchased for half price, as well as all of the movies and series released under their name. For example, at Warner Brothers you not only can get WB shows, like Smallville and Gilmore Girls, but you can also get HBO series (like Sopranos and Sex and the City – for $20 a season) and BBC stuff (like The Office). Oh, and National Geographic specials. It’s a plethora of discount, my friends. (Guess what you’re getting for Christmas!) Apparently, this works with all studios with the exception of Disney. Disney, I have come to find, is not discount friendly. In their on-site store they sell things for retail price. How rude. I can get Alias DVDs cheaper from Amazon.com than I can from the studio. It’s incredibly unfortunate. I suppose that is the price you pay for quality product.

I have been keeping my eyes peeled, but no celebrity sightings. I don’t know where they hide. If you think about it, there are hundreds out there that I would recognize if I saw them… and they are living here, in the very same city. But do I see them? NO. Bah. I’m disappointed.

Vote Kerry.

Did y’all see that debate last night? Wasn’t it hilarious when Bush started talking right over the moderator? And poor Charles Gibson was trying to politely get him to stop but Bush just plowed right through? That cracked my shit up. Bush was incredibly rude and insistent on talking. But when he did…

"BUSH: You tell Tony Blair we're going alone. Tell Tony Blair we're going alone. Tell Silvio Berlusconi we're going alone. Tell Aleksander Kwasniewski of Poland we're going alone.
There are 30 countries there. It denigrates an alliance to say we're going alone, to discount their sacrifices. You cannot lead an alliance if you say, you know, you're going alone. And people listen. They're sacrificing with us.

GIBSON: Senator?

KERRY: Mr. President, countries are leaving the coalition, not joining. Eight countries have left it.

If Missouri, just given the number of people from Missouri who are in the military over there today, were a country, it would be the third largest country in the coalition, behind Great Britain and the United States. That’s not a grand coalition."

Ha ha ha ha… Another highlight was when Bush ‘forgot’ he owned a timber company and asked the audience if they’d like some wood. Dorko. If you didn’t see the debate but want to check it out, go here.

There is a HUGE downside to living with Matt - especially in the month of October. He has an obsession with horror movies. I, on the other hand, have a strong distaste for them. He and Patti insist on watching scary movies and making me watch them - because they're 'classics'. I have already watched three. Which is more than I have watched in my entire life. And I've already spent one entire night with the light on. I know I sound like a five year old, but I really can't handle scary movies. Tonight, while watching 'The Ring' I freaked out, jumped every other second, cried, and accidentally punched Ryan in the face twice... and Matt is giving me shit the whole time, telling me to watch. And just now, as I sit on the computer trying to rid the graphic images from my mind, Matt slips a piece of paper with a ring drawn on in under the door. He's trying to kill me... I know he is. Like when he said, "Allie, you have to watch this part! Look, look!" and so I do, and it's the part where the creepy girl of death climbs from the television screen and kills the guy. Yeah. That was a must see. It is going to be a really long month... and another night with the lights on.

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